No Permission No Entry

Why is it that most men start off saying, “Don’t knock it till you try it” about anal sex? Its like they think that using some cliche phrase is going to somehow convince you to throw you asshole virginity to the wind and just go for it. How about guys, you let a girl buy a strap on and shove it in your ass? See how you like it. “Don’t knock it till you try it,” right? Or even better when they do it without permission because it just “slipped in” and then they spit out, “Just relax.” Yeah fucking right! Just relax my ass!

Now I have developed a theory based on my own personal experiences and those of my friends.To date I have noticed there are 2 types of guys who like anal sex. Usually it is a guy with a small dick because they are typically looking for the smallest hole possible. So if its not your asshole then they are dating cute little asian girls. (Don’t get offended girls I only say the asian thing because my boys tell me stories) The second type of guy is the one who has a boundary pushing pleasure. They like to do everything and anything. They are adventurous to an extreme. It has never been part of my own sexual bucket list to have a dick in my ass because its just not my thing but let me tell you guys without permission there is no entry!

All that being said a sneak attack was performed on my friend’s butt the other night. It was like a ninja move in the bedroom but from what I have heard from her, he has a small dick so it doesn’t surprise me that he chose to surprise her. She prefaces her story with, “My butt-hole got raped last night!!!!” Then proceeds to tell me the story, that is of course after I stopped laughing. Apparently after she left my house and went home he comes over to her house. They were having missionary sex and he goes to flip her over. She is thinking alright cool, doggy style, I love it. All of the sudden he sticks his little dick in her ass and tells her to “Just relax.” WTF!?!?!? Just fucking relax my ass! Who the fuck does that? She was mortified and in shock. Not even all the shots she had that night prepared her for that traumatizing experience. She immediately freaked out and told him to stop. She was pissed as any woman would be.

Guys there is no occasion where first time around you just put it in her ass, no discussion at all. No permission no entry bottom line. Take the dick out of the equation how would some of you like it if with no warning at all we just shoved anything in your ass. I know guys who don’t even want a finger in there let alone anything else!  Why on earth would you think it was ok to just go for it with absolutely no warning? Have a little respect would you.

Advertisements

5 Yard Penalty!

referee

I’m going to let you in on a little known secret: Amongst women there are a few sexual situations that we don’t count as actual sex and therefore we don’t count you as someone we have had sex with. They range and usually being the creative creatures women are, we will take liberties with the known situations and add or alter them. They are ever-changing but we do stick to a core few.

  1. 2 Pump Chump: “What the hell was that?!?!?!” is usually the phrase running through a girl’s head and if your lucky it doesn’t come out of her mouth as she is kicking you the fuck out of her bed, house and life. If the sex lasted less than 10 seconds, that shit didn’t count. That wasn’t real sex! She didn’t even have the opportunity to TRY to finish. If her tampon has seen more action in her V than your dick………you can rest assured you are NOWHERE on her “list” of guys she has slept with. 
  2. If a tree falls in the forest…… I know most of you has heard the saying, “If a tree falls in the forest and nobody is around to hear it, does it make a sound?” Well the same goes for a sexual experiences not remembered. Most girls will tell you what they don’t remember didn’t happen. There is an exception to this rule though. If a girl is consistently loaded and fucks anything she can get her venus fly trap on but remembers none of it cuz she is ALWAYS drunk, she is a hoe and there is no erasing all of those partners.
  3. Total Recall: This is on tricky one. If the sounds of his growling and grunting combined with his weird ass “O Face” have left her wanting to burn her memory with acid and start over “Total Recall” style, then it didn’t happen. She will scrub that one from her list.
  4. Is it in yet??? “Go long!!!!!!” Yeah right! When that is NOT the case, a flag is thrown and they get a 5 yard penalty! Little dick doesn’t count. Have you ever heard that saying, “Baby dicks belong on babies” ? Well if you didnt know, now you know. If the phrase, “Is it in yet?” EVER comes out of her mouth then you are not someone she has had sex with.
  5. Whiskey Dick: If as a result of too much alcohol or any other substance he fails to get it hard for long enough for a girl to moan his name, it doesn’t count. There is not much more explaining to do with this one.

Here is the bottom line gentlemen; If you want to be included in her “list” and be invited back for seconds or even thirds, you better lay pipe like a fucking master! Dick her down with all you’ve got the first time and she might never let you go. Plain and Simple!

Ill take it like a G if you hit that G-Spot

IMG_9393

I look at sex like I look at the gym, if Im sore something went right. I had a conversation recently with a girlfriend of mine about the benefits of a man with a big dick and a high sex drive. We came to the conclusion that as long as you can hit it right then we will happily walk around not being able to sit down properly. Ill take it like a G if you can hit that G-Spot.

I personally love the feeling when I leave the gym and the next day I wake up unable to walk. I am so sore that it hurts everywhere. It means that I am doing something right. The same thing goes for sex. If you like to fuck every day multiple times and as a result your girl is sore as hell, you are doing something right. I know many girls who have a very high sex drive and who appreciate a man who not only has the stamina to keep up but who can also put it down like a champ.

There is an exception to the sore rule. Many men confuse this sad style of “rabbit fucking” for some real moves. Those aren’t moves! Its like a pathetic attempt to induce and organism by fucking her like a jack hammer. You men have watched far too many porns. They are screaming “Oh god yes, fuck me harder!” because thats what YOU want to hear. That doesn’t mean she is thinking that. She is thinking, hurry up and get off already then please get the fuck out. Please men try to remember that when you are “Putting it down.” Women respond better to variety then they do constant pounding the entire time. Do what feels right in the moment for BOTH of you, not just what feels good for your dick. Because lets be real, a girl wants to feel like she got fucked, not fucked up.

“Just Put It In My Mouth!”……….Then Kiss Me Baby!

kiss-552x416

A friend of mine said it perfectly! “Men if your not willing to kiss a girl after having your dick sucked, then be prepared to not have your dick sucked!” This topic goes both ways, however I find that women are less squeamish than men when it comes to kissing after oral sex. It amazes me how men are so eager for you to suck their dick but refuse to kiss you afterwards. I almost understand the psychology behind kissing her after you have cum in her mouth….almost. There is the fact that your juice has sperm in it, which is not the same as a girl and then there is the fear that she might snowball you, but to simply not kiss because her mouth, “tastes like dick” well that’s just fucking stupid. I mean seriously you think we like that taste of our juices in our mouth? Women tend to go with the flow with more ease than men do in cases such as these though. What do you think it says to us when you can’t handle the taste of your own dick? That’s really encouraging! Hold on you are freaked out by the possible taste of your dick, well let me try it out then.

I recently posed this very question to some people and the response was explosive! (No pun intended) I asked people’s thoughts about kissing after oral sex and as I predicted most answers were on point. There were some exceptions and to those men I commend you. Women answered like I thought they would. Of all of the ones who responded, none of them professed a disgust for kissing a guy after he has been face deep between her legs. However for the most part the men that answered explained their utter disgust in kissing a girl after putting his dick in her mouth. There were a proud few however that answered as most women would prefer they do. They said that in the heat of the moment anything goes and that if you have to think about it then you aren’t doing it right. Short of still having his cum in her mouth they would kiss no problem. GOOD MEN!!!!!! Here is the bottom line men, if you wouldn’t have the taste of you in your mouth then why the fuck would we?

To Orgasm or Not to Orgasm????

woman-orgasm

I was 22 years old when I had my first orgasm. I know, shocking right?!?!?!? Its ok, you can pick your jaw up off the floor now. Not every woman has orgasms all the time or ever for some. Most women don’t cum from g-spot stimulation they cum from clitoral friction and of all the ways we make the lives of men difficult this has to be the worst. Seriously though, every woman is different, they all respond differently and sometimes they don’t respond at all. For you good men who care about a woman’s experience during sex this has to be the most difficult challenge.

My story is actually kind of funny, I was in Greece at the time. I had been traveling for a couple of months and arrived in Greece after a short stint in Italy. (This is not a story from a romance novel I swear.) My best friend and I hated Athens so we took a ferry to Mykonos where we met an extremely sexy greek guy on the beach. I was topless all the time and he never stared at my tits, not once! I was impressed. We exchanged numbers after some flirting and made plans to meet up later that night. I did what I usually do and ended up blowing him off. Turns out his mother lived in Greece near athens where we were saying our last 2 nights before we left to France. I hit him up when we got back and it was on. We went out and then back to his house. This is where it gets funny and awesome! I had some awesome doggy style sex in a fucking bunk bed lol! And that, ladies and gentlemen, is where I had my very first orgasm. (See why I love doggy style so much?) In a bunk bed…in a guys child hood room…in his mother’s house…in Greece.

So for the guys who don’t understand how intense a G-spot orgasm can be, because well you don’t have one, Its crazy! The best way to describe it is, you get really dizzy like almost out of body experience kind of dizzy. Then your whole body is tingling and you are afraid if you move that you might actually fall apart into a million pieces. At that very moment I COMPLETELY understood why people have sex so much! Like for real if this had been happening that last years I had been having sex I would have enjoyed it a lot more!!!!!! I can tell you now the reason I had an orgasm was one because of the position but also because of my state of mind. A lot of women are like myself; their comfort level and state of mind play a huge part in whether or not they get off. Women are mental and emotional creatures and for some it requires the stimulation of both as well as comfortability in order to orgasm. It may not be about your technique it may just be about how she feels. Take that into consideration when having sex with a girl, because working on her like a car in your garage is annoying as hell. Just because you haven’t made her cum yet doesn’t mean you need to go through your play book of what has worked in the past. Like I said before every girl is different and the best thing to do is ask. Talk to her because what has worked before on other girls may not work with her.

Now let me guess, the first question you asked yourself about a sentence into this is, “Why the hell would you have sex without orgasming?!?!? What is the point?” Do you always drink beer to get drunk? Sometimes you just like the taste. Just because a girl doesn’t orgasm doesn’t mean the feeling of sex isn’t fun too. It feels good to fuck. Sometimes the high comes from that and sometimes the high comes from the animalistic fucking. At least thats what I liked. I loved that feeling that I got from knowing they were going to leave my bed, disheveled, confused and happy. That was my orgasm!

 

 

 

Choke Me, Spank Me, Pull My Hair!

tumblr_mgh34ueGi81qcl8mbo1_500

I know you all know the song and if you don’t you have been living under a rock somewhere. Xzbit had it right, sometimes a girl just wants to get a fucked. I don’t think it’s too much to ask for to have some explosive sex every once in a while. Just because we may like you or even love you does not mean that we have to always be “making love.” Sometimes a girl wants you to be aggressive, grab her waist, throw her up against a wall, pull her head to the side by her hair, nibble on her neck a little and take what’s yours!

I can honestly say there have been more times than not in my life that I have talked about sex with my girls and the common complaint is that we haven’t been “Properly FUCKED” in a very long time. It’s actually a shame. I don’t think it’s too much to ask do you? I mean the best sex I have had in my life was almost violent LOL. I personally enjoy sex with someone whom is like a best friend because you can try anything and everything without apprehension but there is a difference between having crazy fun sex and being fucked proper.

Tips and Tricks:

Bite Me Baby! 

Nuzzle your face into her neck and nibble on her neck. Multitasking boys please use your hands at all times. Make your way down to her tits and please for the love of god don’t fucking bite down on her nipples like you are eating your first meal in days. I mean seriously it all depends on the girl but for the most part we wont like to be bitten that hard. Also try not to suck on our tits like your mom cut you off too early, we don’t like feeling like we are breast feeding. EEEEEWWWW no! A lot of guys don’t know this but a girls back is really sensitive so if you take some initiative and flip her ass over, bite a little on her back and she will go nuts.

Pull My Hair Pleeeeaaassseeeee

If you know how to do this the right way you will send her into a tail spin really quickly. Believe it or not there is a method to pulling a girl’s hair and for some reason guys are not always up on whats right and whats wrong. The area you should be grabbing is right at the nape of the neck by her roots. ALWAYS by her roots, please do not grab the ends of her hair. It doesn’t feel good it hurts and you have less control that way. you are more likely to hurt rather than turn on. The best part of the hair pulling experience is when you slide in. Hold her hair tightly when you are in her then release just a little as you come back out. Maybe whisper a little something sexy to her about how good it feels to be inside her. The experience will go through the roof for her and make it that much better for you.

Smack That Ass!

Now this depends on the girl and how she might or might not like to be spanked. So its best to provoke conversation that would lead to answers about how she may like it. Or you could just be direct if you have that kind of dynamic. In my case if I am going to have my ass smacked I prefer its while sex is going on and in the doggy style position. But its best to ask first.

That Choking Feeling

Th best way to approach choking while fucking is to start off slow and pay attention to her face. If she looks scared you should probably stop. Common sense I know but some guys don’t get it. I’m not talking erotic asphyxiation here unless that’s what you are into, I’m talking about a light choking. It’s best to start off by grabbing her throat while kissing her and apply a little bit of pressure from then on. Not every girl is going to like this so be sure to either pay close attention or ask her before hand. You don’t need the cops called on you because you freak her out and she thinks you are trying to kill her. LOL

Not everyone likes rough sex. I do every once in a while its a lot of fun. I know that a lot of my girlfriends talk about it and it has been a common theme in our girl talk that it doesn’t happen often enough. One last tip; Kevin Hart had the right idea when he suggested that you come up with a safe word for when you aren’t comfortable. His was pineapples but I’m sure you can pick your own.

1b93ceef83cb5ea90c0a5de68e95d5c2_m

COCK-a-doodle-doo

Morning sex….the difference between a GOOD day and a GREAT day.

One of the main differences between men and women is that men enjoy morning sex while women prefer to keep their bedroom shenanigans a time nighttime activity. A lot of the reason men tend to want to stick it to you in the morning has to do with nocturnal penile tumescence or NPT. It is the reason they wake up with morning wood. That glorious “Good Morning!” usually aimed right at your lower back LOL. Men get anywhere from 3 to 5 erections a night…..lucky ducks. So when they wake up, they are usually rearing to go. Most women that I have spoken to including many of my girlfriends do not like morning sex. Something about morning breathe and not feeling sexy. I call bullshit! Get over it girls! Are you kidding me??? They have already been in you, probably seen you hungover and if there have been some crazy nights maybe even make an ass of yourself. The last thing they are thinking about in the morning is your breathe, they are more concerned with their rock hard dick and what it would feel like in a warm, wet, tight you.

Start your day off the right way, with a BANG

Go ahead, release those endorphins! I know you have heard it before but ill tell you again. Sex is equivalent to running several miles and with any sexual experience, like exercise, there is the release of endorphins (our bodies natural opiate). Along with improved cholesterol and circulation, the natural opiate released is also a pain reliever as well as a happy high. The endorphin release that comes from sex causes euphoria. Think about it…..not only are you getting your morning cardio in but you are getting naturally high! Most personal trainers will tell you to work out early in the morning before work to get your day started the right way. If you don’t want to go to the gym, why not start off with a little morning sex cardio instead.

Big Spoon Little Spoon

This is the best position possible for morning sex. It is the one position that allows you to avoid things like, morning breathe, disheveled hair, pillow lines in the face and some possible drool crust on the face LOL. Spooning her from behind is sensual and yummy and if you are lucky it still feels like you are dreaming a little bit. That being said guys don’t just shove it in assuming that we, like you, are rearing to go first thing in the AM. You are probably going to have to persuade our lady parts a little bit. Some light touching and kissing her neck will do the trick. Give it a minute and you will be able to slide right in.

Keep it simple ladies and gents. Morning sex is good for you. With all of the shopping at Whole Food’s and Trader Joe’s, going to the gym, doing body cleanses, and ultimately trying to be as healthy as possible, why not combine fun and healthy and fuck as often as possible???