Girl Vs. Woman

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There are a great many things that happen to people in life and so many stages in which you experience them. When you are 22 and a guy you like says he is seeing other girls or better yet you find out about it on your own, you might freak out or act out an entire telenovela in your mind then confront him and freak out some more.

You might send and angry text, not asking for an explanation but instead accusing them of all the things you think are going on. He was never your boyfriend and there was no discussion or understanding to what it is you meant to each other, so what right do you have to get angry right? But you do. You get mad and hurt, you see the potential for all the things you might have wanted go down the drain, and this alone is the reason for your overreaction.

It is funny how when you are older and have been beaten down by life’s experiences you learn to react differently. In your years growing up and dealing with the male female dynamic you have been taught lessons by life rather than by your parents or your teachers or those stupid romantic movies that always have a happy ending like John Cusack standing in her driveway with a boom box blasting, “In Your Eyes.”  You learn that relationships and exclusivity aren’t always synonymous. Relationship is a very fluid concept.  It doesn’t always mean the same thing to everyone.

When I was younger I was afraid of the hurt that can arise when you give someone your trust and your heart. I was not one of the girls who was so eager to be loved and in a coupling that I threw caution to the wind. So instead I became the man, so to speak, in a relationship. I had open relationships for years. I did my thing and they did theirs and that was that.

As I have grown older my idea of what I want has changed so much. I know now that I want a relationship. Not in the conventional sense, but I do want one. I now understand the need to date and see what is out there in order to really evaluate someone and whether or not you want to be with them. It is a necessary part of the process, because who wants to rush into anything, only to realize you cant’ stand the person you are with?

In every situation, the time will eventually come when you need to have a conversation to clarify where each of you stands and what it is you are looking for. As a girl the impulse is to compromise what you want because you are hoping that if you hold out, HE WILL CHOOSE YOU. As a woman, you know that the choice doesn’t only belong to him. Do you choose him? If he says to you, he isn’t looking for a girlfriend then what is your response?

My response is this: Thanks but no thanks. I try my best to remain calm and rational because in my mind I know that I am not the exception, I am the rule. No matter how amazing I am, if I am not what he wants or he is not ready for anything significant, that is the end of the story. Value yourself and know that in respecting yourself and what you want, eventually it will come. You’ll never get what you truly deserve if you remain attached to what you’re supposed to let go of.

Too Soon???

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Most girls’ wonders to themselves if they just slept with him to soon. Will he still want to talk to her afterwards? Is he going to change how he acts? Can they still maintain a friendship?

The truth is that I really don’t know. I haven’t asked myself these questions before having sex with someone since my early twenties. Of course my early twenties was also the last time I cared. I know my worth and if a guy doesn’t have the sense of sight to see and appreciate it, than he is loosing.

Recently however, I have been dealing with a rather un-evolved breed of male, which has led me to revisit this topic. My friends and I have been faced with changed behavior and strange circumstance all proffered by the men we have interacted with. The question I pose is, “When is too soon to sleep with a guy?”

Recently a friend of mine slept with a guy whom she had made a connection with over a shared interest in cannabis culture. They met, they became friends and after a night of hanging out just the 2 of them, they had sex. Soon after getting what she wanted and sending him on his way he made an effort for about a day then quickly fell off. He went from texting all day and sending cheeky pictures on SnapChat to lazily responding or simply not at all.

Now keep in mind she wasn’t looking for a husband, a dog, and 2.5 kids with this guy but is it too much to ask that he not confuse sex with the friendship they had established? Could they not continue their random texts and hangouts without muddying the waters with the fact that they had also had sex?

I don’t rethink the way I acted prior to having sex with a man and alter my future behavior because I am afraid he will get attached and think it is something other than it was before we got it on. It makes me start to wonder. These days are the men the women and the women the men?