Double Dipping

20130304-120522.jpg

Double Dipping is usually a term used for someone who dips his or her chip takes a bite then dips again. I know what you are thinking. Are we talking about food or sex? Well for some the 2 go hand in hand but that is not what we are talking about today. I will save that one for another blog. LOL Have you ever known someone (or been that someone) who has kissed 2 people in one night or worse fucked 2 people in one night? Maybe you have set up 2 dates back to back and neither guy knows about it. Or were you the person it was done too? Either way I’m sure most of you have experienced this in one way or another.

Ok I have to admit, this idea for a blog came from an experience my friend had. He was on the receiving end but I actually have been the one to do it to someone else. I was 19 when I did it, young and reckless clearly. But first we are going to talk about his experience because we are all adults now and to double dip this day in age, short of being a hooker, is just bad form.

Recently a friend of mine was telling me a story about this girl that flew in from Miami to see him. She came here specifically for him! Keep that in mind when reading this. I’m sitting on his floor and he is telling me how this girl, who shall remain nameless, comes into town too see him but first stops at a club with her girlfriend to have some drinks and hangout. He decided that he didn’t want to go out because he was tired and had been out all week. Now this guy’s roommate works at Pure Nightclub, which just happens to be the spot, she decided to go to, and that is how he found out. Apparently after going out and getting sufficiently drunk with her friend she made out with some guy at the bar almost directly in front of the roommate. Little did the roommate know she would later go over to see my friend to fuck. He had no clue what she had been up to previous to ringing his doorbell in the wee hours but he would find out the next day. She had no clue she would be cut off but would soon figure it out when his treatment of her would become nothing short of “Fuck Off.”

No guy or girl wants to find out that they were a part of a pseudo threesome after the fact without their knowledge or consent. I am not saying that it is cheating or even wrong but in my opinion it is bad form. When you are young and you do stuff like that it is almost as if you are acting out. You get a pass because you have just figured out what sex is and are testing your own boundaries in regards to your newfound sexual freedom. You are dating and being a “Grown up.” You have watched far too much “Sex and the City” and are taking your lead from Samantha’s sexual exploits. I get it I really do; however as an adult you should have gotten all of that out of your system. You know better by now and it doesn’t have the same rush effect on you that it did when you were younger. There really is no reason to be fucking 2 people in one night or honestly even double booking dates and you sure as hell shouldn’t be flying from one side of the country to another too see a guy but first stop to make-out with another dude at a nightclub in front of said guys room-mate. This is a huge “DUH” moment.

 

Advertisements

Do Opposites Attract??? Or Blow Up In Your Face?

images

Its all well and good if you 2 are night and day but if your differences are causing fights all day and night then you have a problem on your hands that no amount of proclaiming “opposites attract’ will help rationalize. A good relationship depends on a lot of factors but as it pertains to “opposites attract” it more depends on how you handle those factors. Are you understanding of your partners quarks and are they understanding of yours? You need to have more in common than your love of burritos and action movies. Of course no one wants to date themselves but if your “opposites attracts” refers to your core non-negotiables then no amount of attraction is going to help.

Depending on the type of person you are and where you are in your life, you will at some point date your opposite. The best thing about dating your opposite is that you are constantly challenged. You are exposed to the traits that you lack leaving you to go all Jerry Maguire on the person proclaiming “You complete me.” You see it all the time! The good girl falls for the bad boy who treats her like shit or the shy guy at work falls for the wild child party girl. The really sweet guy falls for the controlling bossy bitch, leaving his friends totally confused as to why he isn’t dating the nice girl next door.

Many people are attracted to their opposites only to find that as time goes on you are far more different that you ever suspected. Ask yourself this: after the honeymoon period is over, are the things you once found cute still cute or do they make you want to shove your partner in front of the nearest moving bus? A lot of people these days are so eager to shack up that they COMPLETELY  ignore every single red flag that pops up. In one conversation 10 deal breakers can come up and through the haze of delusion, both people will ignore things that will have them wanting to kill each other 6 months later. If you know that your boyfriends friends are annoying as hell and you hate all of them, there is a chance that you wont get along for very long. If your girlfriend hates kids and you want a tribe, your relationship is doomed. There are things to consider when entering into a relationship and if you choose to ignore them in the hopes they will change you are bound to fail. Ask yourself this: Would you change who you are for them?

 

 

Throw A Bitch Fit & I Will Treat You Like A Bitch.

first-date-510

The dating world is a jungle! I have never really dated before but now that I’m older I’m trying it out. I like to call our generation the “Shack up Generation” because we don’t date these days, we hook up and are inseparable then we breakup and repeat. So instead of implementing this failing and immature plan of action I have decided to go against the grain. I am dating left and right! Just so I don’t confuse you when I say dating, I mean I go out on dates at restaurants with guys who ask me out.

Recently I was asked out but because of prior plans I wasn’t able to go out with him. I’m thinking it’s no big deal that we can schedule dinner for another day. Apparently that was not the case. This guy legitimately threw a bitch fit. He got pissed at me and his texts went from nice to short and rude. I was shocked! It had been a while since I had come across a man who threw bitch fits like a woman on her rag. I was actually so caught off guard that I really had no idea how to respond. I mean do I treat him like my 4-year-old nephew when he throws a fit? Should I reprimand him? Or should I just not talk to him anymore? I decided to rip him a new asshole. I know you are so surprised. LOL I informed him immediately that I didn’t know what his problem was but his behavior was not going to be tolerated by me. I am not the chick! He didn’t like that very much so instead he just didn’t answer back.

Here is the thing guys, if you act like a bitch you will get treated like one. You will get scolded for you poor behavior and then quickly cut off. I have no tolerance for childish behavior in a man and if a woman is smart she will recognize your reactions as red flags and keep it moving. Ladies if a man throws a fit or if you see any other shady or unacceptable behavior have the conviction to cut him off IMMEDIATELY. Otherwise later on down the line you will have a bigger problem on your hands.

 

# Puppies

loser_answer_3_xlarge

My friends and I like to call them “Pound Puppies” but if you are unfamiliar with this term then maybe you will recognize the term  “Scrub.” The Urban Dictionary defines a “Scrub” as: A dude who acts like a player or like he is something but really has nothing. A broke guy with no car, no job, no girl, etc. A loser with nothing to offer a woman. I am not sure why recently these guys have been coming out of the wood works but I have come across more than one in the past few weeks, which let me tell you at the age of 27, this should not be happening. TLC had it right, “He cant’t get no love from me.”

So last night my girl and I are hanging out at her place. I needed a night in and some cute boy entertainment so this dude and his brother were supposed to come over and hang out. They are both adorable and nice so Im thinking it should be chill. One ends up coming without the other instead of both of them which is only the first problem. He was supposed to pick up alcohol and bring it with him on his way and shows up without it and while hanging out with this guy we find out that not only is he not yet employed but younger than we originally thought as well. The later it gets the more Im getting tired and I want to go to sleep so my girl and I decide it is time for him to go home. Oh wait! It gets better. LOL He has no fucking car! He actually got dropped off and either thought he was going to spend the night or we were going to take him home. Are you fucking kidding me? Everything in me wanted to be an asshole and tell him to take a cab but I couldn’t do that. So we got in my car and drove him home.

The entire way home my girl and I were laughing and bitching about “Pound Puppies” guys that need to be rescued or taken care of and how the hell we ended up with one. I mean it was comedy. We are both 27 and looking at each other in complete dismay. Did we really just have to drive this guy home? Did that just happen? It makes me wonder how often does this happen to other girls. Do these men actually think its acceptable to be a bum? We are grown and even if you have a shitty ride at least you have a ride! Men have their shit together and on point. This was clearly a little boy and women don’t date little boys.

Starving for Attention……”Eat Me!!!!”

Have you ever been talking to a guy/girl who you like and want to date only for them to jerk you around? They like you, they don’t like you, they want to be with you, they aren’t sure. You get to ride the roller coaster with them only to have them come to the conclusion that they aren’t ready for a relationship. I know it has happened to all of us at some point in our lives, or even worse you have done it to someone else. In previous blogs I do encourage you to date people and really get to know what you do and don’t like in others. This however is not what I was talking about.

My friend was talking to a guy recently whom she had been talking to for a few years. After many “I love you’s” and making plans they finally met up when he came into town to see her. They had a great weekend together filled with laughter and plans for the future. The day after he went home he wigged out. All of the sudden he needs time and isn’t sure. He is overwhelmed. Bullshit!!!!!!   If he didn’t know what he wanted he should have been strong enough to vocalize that. Instead what he did was give her hope and talk her into something she didn’t even know she wanted, all because he was too afraid to be alone.

I see people do this a lot. I see it more in young people who are afraid to be alone and are starved for attention. They talk to multiple people and make false promises in order to give that person hope and keep them around longer. Some do it for an ego boost but most do it because they are starved for attention and validation. So all this being said, it makes me wonder……Why do people do unto others what they have had done to them? If a person has been led on and given hope only to be let down, why would they do it to someone else?

False Advertising: The Pitfalls of Internet Lust

2183715923_9805550092

Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, MySpace (depending on your era) E Harmony, and other social networking sites have morphed our world into a nearly unrecognizable place. We have gone from meeting people in our town or city to meeting people from all over the world. Instead of one of your friends setting you up with one of their friends, Facebook gives you “People you may know” suggestions. Rather than meeting someone new at a bar, E Harmony runs through your entire life history and finds your “Perfect match.” A guy or girl doesn’t walk up to you just to tell you they find you beautiful or handsome, they like your picture on Instagram or follow you on Twitter. Yes it is true that the dating world has changed, but the far more dangerous component to social media flirting is the photos that portray sexy, slim, in shape, or model-esque when the reality is beyond lacking.

Jamie Lee Curtis did the women of this world a favor in 2006 when she bared all in an un-mistakingly brave photo shoot for Moore Magazine. She showed the before and after effects of airbrushing and Photoshop. In an effort to dispel the idea that she is still the thin, ripped 35-year-old woman from “True Lies” dancing in her thong and bra, Jamie Lee Curtis shocked the world by posing in her underwear without Photoshop. On one side she wore only her panties and sports bra while on the other side a sexy black dress. She blew the doors wide open on the lie that is photo editing.  These days everything is manipulated! The person you meet and the person you see in pictures does not always match up.

Recently while working an event as a Promo Model I met a really nice girl who was to be my partner in crime that day. She was sweet and personable but a little on the thick side for modeling. We exchanged information as I usually do when I meet a cool girl. The next night while lounging on my couch I decided to troll her Facebook and take a look at what she’s got going on. While checking out her pictures I found myself feeling sorry for all the guys who would go through her profile getting excited about the bombshell they just found only to later discover the terrible truth. These poor guys see that they have mutual friends, so there is hope! Maybe they can meet! Little do they know in her pictures, she has been reshaped, smoothed out, directed and there is some serious lighting happening. She has the fake eyelashes, the smokey eye, push up bra, and big teased hair with extensions. Her body is twisted to make her appear thinner than she is and if that didn’t work the photographer went to town with Photoshop. Let me tell you this, not only is she shorter than me and I’m 5 foot 3 inches, but she has at least 15 pounds on me as well.

I call BULLSHIT!!!! It’s false advertising at it’s best. It boggles my mind that women and men take pride in these pictures which portray them as either super models or greek gods, meanwhile on planet earth they are really quite homely. What is a guy or girl supposed to do when they come across your picture only to regret what you look like in real life? Americans are quite sue happy yes but if there is anything that should be an actionable offense it would be this. I myself have never dated anyone I met from a social networking site but I do know many people who have. Some have worked out and some have not, so in today’s world of social media, where the ability to meet new people has expanded exponentially, I have to ask myself where does the fantasy end and the reality begin?

5 Yard Penalty!

referee

I’m going to let you in on a little known secret: Amongst women there are a few sexual situations that we don’t count as actual sex and therefore we don’t count you as someone we have had sex with. They range and usually being the creative creatures women are, we will take liberties with the known situations and add or alter them. They are ever-changing but we do stick to a core few.

  1. 2 Pump Chump: “What the hell was that?!?!?!” is usually the phrase running through a girl’s head and if your lucky it doesn’t come out of her mouth as she is kicking you the fuck out of her bed, house and life. If the sex lasted less than 10 seconds, that shit didn’t count. That wasn’t real sex! She didn’t even have the opportunity to TRY to finish. If her tampon has seen more action in her V than your dick………you can rest assured you are NOWHERE on her “list” of guys she has slept with. 
  2. If a tree falls in the forest…… I know most of you has heard the saying, “If a tree falls in the forest and nobody is around to hear it, does it make a sound?” Well the same goes for a sexual experiences not remembered. Most girls will tell you what they don’t remember didn’t happen. There is an exception to this rule though. If a girl is consistently loaded and fucks anything she can get her venus fly trap on but remembers none of it cuz she is ALWAYS drunk, she is a hoe and there is no erasing all of those partners.
  3. Total Recall: This is on tricky one. If the sounds of his growling and grunting combined with his weird ass “O Face” have left her wanting to burn her memory with acid and start over “Total Recall” style, then it didn’t happen. She will scrub that one from her list.
  4. Is it in yet??? “Go long!!!!!!” Yeah right! When that is NOT the case, a flag is thrown and they get a 5 yard penalty! Little dick doesn’t count. Have you ever heard that saying, “Baby dicks belong on babies” ? Well if you didnt know, now you know. If the phrase, “Is it in yet?” EVER comes out of her mouth then you are not someone she has had sex with.
  5. Whiskey Dick: If as a result of too much alcohol or any other substance he fails to get it hard for long enough for a girl to moan his name, it doesn’t count. There is not much more explaining to do with this one.

Here is the bottom line gentlemen; If you want to be included in her “list” and be invited back for seconds or even thirds, you better lay pipe like a fucking master! Dick her down with all you’ve got the first time and she might never let you go. Plain and Simple!