Too Soon???

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Most girls’ wonders to themselves if they just slept with him to soon. Will he still want to talk to her afterwards? Is he going to change how he acts? Can they still maintain a friendship?

The truth is that I really don’t know. I haven’t asked myself these questions before having sex with someone since my early twenties. Of course my early twenties was also the last time I cared. I know my worth and if a guy doesn’t have the sense of sight to see and appreciate it, than he is loosing.

Recently however, I have been dealing with a rather un-evolved breed of male, which has led me to revisit this topic. My friends and I have been faced with changed behavior and strange circumstance all proffered by the men we have interacted with. The question I pose is, “When is too soon to sleep with a guy?”

Recently a friend of mine slept with a guy whom she had made a connection with over a shared interest in cannabis culture. They met, they became friends and after a night of hanging out just the 2 of them, they had sex. Soon after getting what she wanted and sending him on his way he made an effort for about a day then quickly fell off. He went from texting all day and sending cheeky pictures on SnapChat to lazily responding or simply not at all.

Now keep in mind she wasn’t looking for a husband, a dog, and 2.5 kids with this guy but is it too much to ask that he not confuse sex with the friendship they had established? Could they not continue their random texts and hangouts without muddying the waters with the fact that they had also had sex?

I don’t rethink the way I acted prior to having sex with a man and alter my future behavior because I am afraid he will get attached and think it is something other than it was before we got it on. It makes me start to wonder. These days are the men the women and the women the men?

Is that a Vibrator in your shower?!?!?!

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We all do it folks. Masturbation is pretty natural and if you say you are not doing it well then you are lying. I had never owned a vibrator before in my life. When I needed to get off I just went with the tried and true “double click the mouse” method. My good friend Heather and I were dead in the middle of shopping at our local Deja Vu, trying to find pieces to construct the prototype of an oral sex aid that we had both imagined when low and behold we come across the vibrators. Heather suggests that since I hadn’t been laid in a bit or at least not with a happy ending that I should make the wise investment of buying a vibrator. After much harassment by both her and the girl behind the counter, I pulled out my american express and spent $170.00 dollars on a brand spanking new…bright pink vibrator. Turns out it was the BEST $170.00 dollars I have spent ever, with the exception of my Jeffery Campbell black leather “Lita” boots. I love those boots!

Now that I have explained a little of the back story on how there came to be a bright pink vibrator in my shower ill explain the story in full. Im sitting in my living room minding my own business when my friend Adam texts me to ask what I’m doing. He lives in my building and is bored so I invited him down.

He had never been inside my place before so he was exploring and checking things out. He went from my living room to my bedroom before his last stop in my bathroom. Why he decided to open my shower curtain I didn’t understand at the time. Once I saw my vibrator in the shower I totally freaked out LOL I jumped and grabbed the shower curtain right after he opened it, yanking it closed. He fought me on it for a second thinking by my reaction there must be something embarrassing in there. He went back to open in and out comes the statement, “Is that a vibrator in your shower?!?!?”

I died, right then and there I died and yet at the same time I wished someone had been filming because it was beyond hilarious. I mean how often do people just get to witness embarrassment like that? My B.O.B. (battery operated boyfriend) wasn’t in a side table drawer or in my closet or even in my underwear drawer like most people with discretion hide theirs. Instead mine is just chillen in the shower not inconspicuous at all. LOL  Even better than that my guy friend who had never stepped foot in my apartment has just received a tour of my humble abode as well as a peek into my sexual proclivities. If my reaction was the cause of hilarity, the look on his face was classic. It was a cross between shock and intrigue. I just became a sexual person! A girl with her vibrator out and about in clear view (well sort of). He hasn’t let me live it down since and it has become a topic of reminisce that he likes to bring up often and in front of others. I guess if my embarrassment leads to someone else’s amusement then I can take solace in the fact that I made someone laugh.

Just a tip ladies, HIDE YOUR SEX TOYS! Or fuck it, don’t hide them! Be someones funny story and in my case don’t hide who you are one bit. However on my sister’s advice, when the family comes to visit put your vibrator away……take it out of the shower and put it away. 🙂

No Permission No Entry

Why is it that most men start off saying, “Don’t knock it till you try it” about anal sex? Its like they think that using some cliche phrase is going to somehow convince you to throw you asshole virginity to the wind and just go for it. How about guys, you let a girl buy a strap on and shove it in your ass? See how you like it. “Don’t knock it till you try it,” right? Or even better when they do it without permission because it just “slipped in” and then they spit out, “Just relax.” Yeah fucking right! Just relax my ass!

Now I have developed a theory based on my own personal experiences and those of my friends.To date I have noticed there are 2 types of guys who like anal sex. Usually it is a guy with a small dick because they are typically looking for the smallest hole possible. So if its not your asshole then they are dating cute little asian girls. (Don’t get offended girls I only say the asian thing because my boys tell me stories) The second type of guy is the one who has a boundary pushing pleasure. They like to do everything and anything. They are adventurous to an extreme. It has never been part of my own sexual bucket list to have a dick in my ass because its just not my thing but let me tell you guys without permission there is no entry!

All that being said a sneak attack was performed on my friend’s butt the other night. It was like a ninja move in the bedroom but from what I have heard from her, he has a small dick so it doesn’t surprise me that he chose to surprise her. She prefaces her story with, “My butt-hole got raped last night!!!!” Then proceeds to tell me the story, that is of course after I stopped laughing. Apparently after she left my house and went home he comes over to her house. They were having missionary sex and he goes to flip her over. She is thinking alright cool, doggy style, I love it. All of the sudden he sticks his little dick in her ass and tells her to “Just relax.” WTF!?!?!? Just fucking relax my ass! Who the fuck does that? She was mortified and in shock. Not even all the shots she had that night prepared her for that traumatizing experience. She immediately freaked out and told him to stop. She was pissed as any woman would be.

Guys there is no occasion where first time around you just put it in her ass, no discussion at all. No permission no entry bottom line. Take the dick out of the equation how would some of you like it if with no warning at all we just shoved anything in your ass. I know guys who don’t even want a finger in there let alone anything else!  Why on earth would you think it was ok to just go for it with absolutely no warning? Have a little respect would you.

False Advertising: The Pitfalls of Internet Lust

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Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, MySpace (depending on your era) E Harmony, and other social networking sites have morphed our world into a nearly unrecognizable place. We have gone from meeting people in our town or city to meeting people from all over the world. Instead of one of your friends setting you up with one of their friends, Facebook gives you “People you may know” suggestions. Rather than meeting someone new at a bar, E Harmony runs through your entire life history and finds your “Perfect match.” A guy or girl doesn’t walk up to you just to tell you they find you beautiful or handsome, they like your picture on Instagram or follow you on Twitter. Yes it is true that the dating world has changed, but the far more dangerous component to social media flirting is the photos that portray sexy, slim, in shape, or model-esque when the reality is beyond lacking.

Jamie Lee Curtis did the women of this world a favor in 2006 when she bared all in an un-mistakingly brave photo shoot for Moore Magazine. She showed the before and after effects of airbrushing and Photoshop. In an effort to dispel the idea that she is still the thin, ripped 35-year-old woman from “True Lies” dancing in her thong and bra, Jamie Lee Curtis shocked the world by posing in her underwear without Photoshop. On one side she wore only her panties and sports bra while on the other side a sexy black dress. She blew the doors wide open on the lie that is photo editing.  These days everything is manipulated! The person you meet and the person you see in pictures does not always match up.

Recently while working an event as a Promo Model I met a really nice girl who was to be my partner in crime that day. She was sweet and personable but a little on the thick side for modeling. We exchanged information as I usually do when I meet a cool girl. The next night while lounging on my couch I decided to troll her Facebook and take a look at what she’s got going on. While checking out her pictures I found myself feeling sorry for all the guys who would go through her profile getting excited about the bombshell they just found only to later discover the terrible truth. These poor guys see that they have mutual friends, so there is hope! Maybe they can meet! Little do they know in her pictures, she has been reshaped, smoothed out, directed and there is some serious lighting happening. She has the fake eyelashes, the smokey eye, push up bra, and big teased hair with extensions. Her body is twisted to make her appear thinner than she is and if that didn’t work the photographer went to town with Photoshop. Let me tell you this, not only is she shorter than me and I’m 5 foot 3 inches, but she has at least 15 pounds on me as well.

I call BULLSHIT!!!! It’s false advertising at it’s best. It boggles my mind that women and men take pride in these pictures which portray them as either super models or greek gods, meanwhile on planet earth they are really quite homely. What is a guy or girl supposed to do when they come across your picture only to regret what you look like in real life? Americans are quite sue happy yes but if there is anything that should be an actionable offense it would be this. I myself have never dated anyone I met from a social networking site but I do know many people who have. Some have worked out and some have not, so in today’s world of social media, where the ability to meet new people has expanded exponentially, I have to ask myself where does the fantasy end and the reality begin?

Bad Decions & Writer’s Block

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I have had a horrible case of writer’s block recently and it has been driving me fucking nuts. It feels like I have been very unproductive and honestly letting people down. Because the format for my blog is geared more towards advice rather than a journal I have been hesitant to write about this but I have decided to take a friend’s advice and just write in the hopes that getting it out will lead to a break through.

I wrote a blog recently about keeping your options open. Well just because you keep your options open and you think that you are making informed decisions that doesn’t mean the the one you pick is necessarily going to be the right one. Sometimes you do made a bad decision. Unfortunately part of your informed decision is based on what they tell you and how much you believe them.

In my last blog I talked about the 5 different guys I was talking to and how at the end it came down to 2. The 4th guy I decided against partly because of his life choices and circumstances but mainly because I really liked the 5th guy. Number 5 and I not only took time to form a friendship but were pretty open and honest with each other. We discussed in detail what we both wanted in terms of our continued interaction and I believed we were on the same page. Well I was wrong. I am not saying he lied, I truly believe that he meant what he said when he was saying it but that doesn’t mean he meant it after it came out of his mouth. The point is that I chose him because I liked him and felt a genuine connection with him. It really bummed me out when a couple of weeks later he decided to try things again with his ex girlfriend of years. He was only honest after I basically told him I needed more, wasn’t getting it and was done. Now this is not a bashing blog, mind you I had slept with someone else at this point. Im by no means innocent. (You would know this if you read my other blogs LOL) When I am done I am done……..and I was fucking done. Its not all on this guy but bottom line I wasn’t getting what I wanted.

All of this aside I still really like him and have a friendship with him. I am not a glutton for punishment. I am a strong independent woman and because of this I will move on but right now it is getting in the way of my writing. I miss him and our chats and being able to be open. Its unfortunate that making the wrong decision with him as far as taking a friendship and letting it run wild right into a romantic thing has kind of fucked me over in my writing. When you are a happy person and someone takes your happy to another giddy kind of level it affects you. It affected my writing and now that it is gone I am having a hard time finding my funny again. I am hoping that this blog will help get some of this off of my mind and I can get back to being free.

 

To Orgasm or Not to Orgasm????

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I was 22 years old when I had my first orgasm. I know, shocking right?!?!?!? Its ok, you can pick your jaw up off the floor now. Not every woman has orgasms all the time or ever for some. Most women don’t cum from g-spot stimulation they cum from clitoral friction and of all the ways we make the lives of men difficult this has to be the worst. Seriously though, every woman is different, they all respond differently and sometimes they don’t respond at all. For you good men who care about a woman’s experience during sex this has to be the most difficult challenge.

My story is actually kind of funny, I was in Greece at the time. I had been traveling for a couple of months and arrived in Greece after a short stint in Italy. (This is not a story from a romance novel I swear.) My best friend and I hated Athens so we took a ferry to Mykonos where we met an extremely sexy greek guy on the beach. I was topless all the time and he never stared at my tits, not once! I was impressed. We exchanged numbers after some flirting and made plans to meet up later that night. I did what I usually do and ended up blowing him off. Turns out his mother lived in Greece near athens where we were saying our last 2 nights before we left to France. I hit him up when we got back and it was on. We went out and then back to his house. This is where it gets funny and awesome! I had some awesome doggy style sex in a fucking bunk bed lol! And that, ladies and gentlemen, is where I had my very first orgasm. (See why I love doggy style so much?) In a bunk bed…in a guys child hood room…in his mother’s house…in Greece.

So for the guys who don’t understand how intense a G-spot orgasm can be, because well you don’t have one, Its crazy! The best way to describe it is, you get really dizzy like almost out of body experience kind of dizzy. Then your whole body is tingling and you are afraid if you move that you might actually fall apart into a million pieces. At that very moment I COMPLETELY understood why people have sex so much! Like for real if this had been happening that last years I had been having sex I would have enjoyed it a lot more!!!!!! I can tell you now the reason I had an orgasm was one because of the position but also because of my state of mind. A lot of women are like myself; their comfort level and state of mind play a huge part in whether or not they get off. Women are mental and emotional creatures and for some it requires the stimulation of both as well as comfortability in order to orgasm. It may not be about your technique it may just be about how she feels. Take that into consideration when having sex with a girl, because working on her like a car in your garage is annoying as hell. Just because you haven’t made her cum yet doesn’t mean you need to go through your play book of what has worked in the past. Like I said before every girl is different and the best thing to do is ask. Talk to her because what has worked before on other girls may not work with her.

Now let me guess, the first question you asked yourself about a sentence into this is, “Why the hell would you have sex without orgasming?!?!? What is the point?” Do you always drink beer to get drunk? Sometimes you just like the taste. Just because a girl doesn’t orgasm doesn’t mean the feeling of sex isn’t fun too. It feels good to fuck. Sometimes the high comes from that and sometimes the high comes from the animalistic fucking. At least thats what I liked. I loved that feeling that I got from knowing they were going to leave my bed, disheveled, confused and happy. That was my orgasm!

 

 

 

Choke Me, Spank Me, Pull My Hair!

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I know you all know the song and if you don’t you have been living under a rock somewhere. Xzbit had it right, sometimes a girl just wants to get a fucked. I don’t think it’s too much to ask for to have some explosive sex every once in a while. Just because we may like you or even love you does not mean that we have to always be “making love.” Sometimes a girl wants you to be aggressive, grab her waist, throw her up against a wall, pull her head to the side by her hair, nibble on her neck a little and take what’s yours!

I can honestly say there have been more times than not in my life that I have talked about sex with my girls and the common complaint is that we haven’t been “Properly FUCKED” in a very long time. It’s actually a shame. I don’t think it’s too much to ask do you? I mean the best sex I have had in my life was almost violent LOL. I personally enjoy sex with someone whom is like a best friend because you can try anything and everything without apprehension but there is a difference between having crazy fun sex and being fucked proper.

Tips and Tricks:

Bite Me Baby! 

Nuzzle your face into her neck and nibble on her neck. Multitasking boys please use your hands at all times. Make your way down to her tits and please for the love of god don’t fucking bite down on her nipples like you are eating your first meal in days. I mean seriously it all depends on the girl but for the most part we wont like to be bitten that hard. Also try not to suck on our tits like your mom cut you off too early, we don’t like feeling like we are breast feeding. EEEEEWWWW no! A lot of guys don’t know this but a girls back is really sensitive so if you take some initiative and flip her ass over, bite a little on her back and she will go nuts.

Pull My Hair Pleeeeaaassseeeee

If you know how to do this the right way you will send her into a tail spin really quickly. Believe it or not there is a method to pulling a girl’s hair and for some reason guys are not always up on whats right and whats wrong. The area you should be grabbing is right at the nape of the neck by her roots. ALWAYS by her roots, please do not grab the ends of her hair. It doesn’t feel good it hurts and you have less control that way. you are more likely to hurt rather than turn on. The best part of the hair pulling experience is when you slide in. Hold her hair tightly when you are in her then release just a little as you come back out. Maybe whisper a little something sexy to her about how good it feels to be inside her. The experience will go through the roof for her and make it that much better for you.

Smack That Ass!

Now this depends on the girl and how she might or might not like to be spanked. So its best to provoke conversation that would lead to answers about how she may like it. Or you could just be direct if you have that kind of dynamic. In my case if I am going to have my ass smacked I prefer its while sex is going on and in the doggy style position. But its best to ask first.

That Choking Feeling

Th best way to approach choking while fucking is to start off slow and pay attention to her face. If she looks scared you should probably stop. Common sense I know but some guys don’t get it. I’m not talking erotic asphyxiation here unless that’s what you are into, I’m talking about a light choking. It’s best to start off by grabbing her throat while kissing her and apply a little bit of pressure from then on. Not every girl is going to like this so be sure to either pay close attention or ask her before hand. You don’t need the cops called on you because you freak her out and she thinks you are trying to kill her. LOL

Not everyone likes rough sex. I do every once in a while its a lot of fun. I know that a lot of my girlfriends talk about it and it has been a common theme in our girl talk that it doesn’t happen often enough. One last tip; Kevin Hart had the right idea when he suggested that you come up with a safe word for when you aren’t comfortable. His was pineapples but I’m sure you can pick your own.

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