Girl Vs. Woman

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There are a great many things that happen to people in life and so many stages in which you experience them. When you are 22 and a guy you like says he is seeing other girls or better yet you find out about it on your own, you might freak out or act out an entire telenovela in your mind then confront him and freak out some more.

You might send and angry text, not asking for an explanation but instead accusing them of all the things you think are going on. He was never your boyfriend and there was no discussion or understanding to what it is you meant to each other, so what right do you have to get angry right? But you do. You get mad and hurt, you see the potential for all the things you might have wanted go down the drain, and this alone is the reason for your overreaction.

It is funny how when you are older and have been beaten down by life’s experiences you learn to react differently. In your years growing up and dealing with the male female dynamic you have been taught lessons by life rather than by your parents or your teachers or those stupid romantic movies that always have a happy ending like John Cusack standing in her driveway with a boom box blasting, “In Your Eyes.”  You learn that relationships and exclusivity aren’t always synonymous. Relationship is a very fluid concept.  It doesn’t always mean the same thing to everyone.

When I was younger I was afraid of the hurt that can arise when you give someone your trust and your heart. I was not one of the girls who was so eager to be loved and in a coupling that I threw caution to the wind. So instead I became the man, so to speak, in a relationship. I had open relationships for years. I did my thing and they did theirs and that was that.

As I have grown older my idea of what I want has changed so much. I know now that I want a relationship. Not in the conventional sense, but I do want one. I now understand the need to date and see what is out there in order to really evaluate someone and whether or not you want to be with them. It is a necessary part of the process, because who wants to rush into anything, only to realize you cant’ stand the person you are with?

In every situation, the time will eventually come when you need to have a conversation to clarify where each of you stands and what it is you are looking for. As a girl the impulse is to compromise what you want because you are hoping that if you hold out, HE WILL CHOOSE YOU. As a woman, you know that the choice doesn’t only belong to him. Do you choose him? If he says to you, he isn’t looking for a girlfriend then what is your response?

My response is this: Thanks but no thanks. I try my best to remain calm and rational because in my mind I know that I am not the exception, I am the rule. No matter how amazing I am, if I am not what he wants or he is not ready for anything significant, that is the end of the story. Value yourself and know that in respecting yourself and what you want, eventually it will come. You’ll never get what you truly deserve if you remain attached to what you’re supposed to let go of.

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BAD

“Is it bad that I never made love, no I never did it
But I sure know how to fuck
I’ll be your bad girl, I’ll prove it to you
I can’t promise that I’ll be good to you
Cause I have some issues, I won’t commit
No, not having it
But at least I can admit that I’ll be bad no to you
Yeah, I’ll be good in bed but I’ll be bad to you
Bad that I never made love, no I never did it
But I sure know how to fuck”

A new song for our generation? I know it sounds sappy as hell but have you ever made love? I was racking my mind this morning thinking of all of my sexual encounters. I was going back through the reel that we all have. I was a virgin until I was 18. Hard to believe I know. LOL I was thinking back to my very first time and going through every time and guy since then. It is a little disturbing but for most of them, I was intoxicated so I could honestly say they were not “love making” experiences. That’s not to say that you can’t have sex in a love making way but let’s be real, its still just sex. Then I started to consider the fact that almost all of my experiences weren’t as a result out of any form of monogamy. Could that be it? Was that the secret sauce, so to say, missing from my experiences?

I was monogamous with one guy. He was one of my best friends for years. He was an amazing person and so much fun. He loved that I wore converse, vans, long socks. short shorts, wife beaters and my hair wild and whatever. He was my homie and my lover. We always had really good sex because it was fun and carefree. We didn’t care and there were no pretenses. However even with him I don’t think we ever made love. I loved him of course more than I had ever loved anyone but I have never really been open enough to be in love with someone so even with him it wasn’t “making love.”

I sometimes wonder if it is possible for me to be in love. What is that like? Or maybe I have been but I’m not sure. Maybe this is something that everyone goes through in life or it could be the great deficiency of our generation. We are like kids in a candy store. So many flavors, making it so hard to choose just one. Every day, flooded by the many shapes and colors, unable to make a choice and stick with it. How do you choose just one? Is it even possible anymore?

Cold hearted?

I’m not cold hearted I’m just over it! I love it when guys think that their dick has some magical power over a girl. Mind you yes there are some girls who give women a bad reputation for attaching to every man they sleep with, but I ain’t the one.

I was seeing a guy recently who was under this same sad misinformed impression. We hung out for about a month when I realized a couple of things actually.

First I realized that due to starting a new job I had absolutely no time for my self let alone him.

Secondly I started to think to myself that aside from really good sex we had very little in common. I pondered like most women do, “do I really want a relationship with this guy?” I came to the conclusion that I really didn’t. I didn’t have feelings for him, I was merely attracted to his personality. There is a huge difference but because some women are lonely they refuse to act smart instead of forcing themselves to fall hard.

3rd on my list of mini realizations was that the kid really didn’t like me all that much either. It’s no big deal, I don’t take it personally because not everyone is going to be a match.

So I hit him up after a couple days of not talking and said, “listen we aren’t on the same page with the things we want and quite honestly if you really wanted something with me you would hit me up to hang out so why don’t we just go our separate ways.” He didn’t take that well at all! He proceeded to berate me, calling me names and telling me to, “stay off his line and delete his fucking number.” LOL I haven’t had a response like that from a man ever in my life. Which is understandable because he is a boy of 25. Me calling him a man was far to generous a title. By the way I had to ask what, “stay off my line” meant. LOL Who the fuck knew? Well needless to say I told him he has the right to his feelings and I’m sorry that I upset him. I ended the conversation with telling him to have a nice night. The conversation consisted of much more name calling and cussing from him but it isn’t really necessary to give a play by play of his stupidity.

So, guess who received a 5am text message apologizing for “flashing” on me. (Again with the slang that just makes him sound dumb.) he asked if we we were cool and and I said yes. I didn’t realize by saying yes that he would take that as we can still fuck. My bad LOL Apparently we were speaking two VERY different languages. When I said we were cool, what I meant was that I don’t have the time or energy to hate him. Nor do I care to so if we are ever around each other we can be cordial.

Over the next 2 weeks I received numerous late night back to back drunk texts and calls. And when I say back to back I mean 6 fucking phone calls in a row followed by 5 texts telling me to fuck off for not answering the phone. That shit just got ridiculous after a while. I finally lost my cool the other night at Tao and calmly explained to him that I’m sorry if he was under the false impression that I wanted to continue having sex with him but that was NOT the case. Can you guess what happened next? Names like “fucking whore” and “silly bitch” were thrown around. I mean I couldn’t help but laugh at the entire tantrum. Make no mistake, that’s exactly what he was doing. Throwing a fucking tantrum like a toddler. My words verbatim were, “I am tired of putting up with your fits. Do not contact me again.” What the hell else was I supposed to do? The poor guy was probably embarrassed as hell the next day and if he wasn’t be sure as hell should have been.

Final thought: The second a guy shows you their “crazy” you show them the door.

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Feed me some BULLSHIT & I’ll throw up in your face!

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Do you ever notice how men think that they need to romance you, tell you they like you and want to be with you in order to fuck you. Then once they do they are over it and move on? Do they not realize that women want sex too? Women don’t always need to be lubed up in order for you to get it in. Romance movies have ruined our lives! Men think they have to promise a woman the world, buy her flowers, whisper (text) sweet nothings into her ear, in order to get her into bed. Let me let you in on a little reality gentlemen. Women for the most part, make up their minds within the first 5 minutes whether or not they are going to sleep with you. No matter what you say they have already decided. In fact the more you say could actually kill your chances of getting laid.

So here are some tips:

  1. Be Respectful: Just because the goal is sex does not mean that the idea of respect goes out the window. Aretha Franklin had it right, all that anyone wants is a little respect. Just a little bit. Oh yeah, just a little bit. You can still get to your end game, while respecting her but not leading her on.
  2. Giver Her A Giggle: Easing the mood will help put her in the right frame of mind. Of course alcohol always helps but laughter is a better tool. It lightens the mood and keeps things on a level that isn’t so serious. When a girl is happy and smiling there is no limit to what you can accomplish.
  3. Stroke It: Mae West once stated, “Flattery will get you everywhere” and she was right. Now I’m not saying outright lie to the girl or to lay it on so thick that she thinks you want more than just sex, but tell her a few nice things about herself and more than likely she will respond positively.

On the opposite side there are some things that you should avoid. Women are not fragile creatures that will fall to pieces at the first sign of their fairytale being crap. Not every girl wants you to be her prince charming. Some women just want you to be their gentleman caller. You come, you service and you don’t let the door hit you in the ass on your way out. That being said there are ways to avoid pissing her off after the fact.

Things not to do:

  1. Fairytale Haze: Dont lay it on too thick. Don’t tell her about your hopes and dreams of marriage and family. Don’t talk about the 2 of you as a “We” and don’t talk about plans for any future date with her.
  2. Liar Liar: Dont make up false hoods about your life. Don’t try to make yourself seem bigger and badder than you actually are. If the girl is smart she will see through it and sex has just been taken off the table and if they girl is an idiot and believes you than later on you have a very angry girl on your hands.
  3. Flirting Only: You can flirt and get your way a lot faster than you can with lies. Just keep it light and friendly!

It is hit and miss as far as your chances of getting laid go but you are less likely to leave man hating women in your wake of bullshit if you are honest more times than not. If you feed a girl some Bullshit be prepared to have her throw up or blow up in your face. You want to see a girl go really crazy…….lead her on and piss her off.

 

Lust at first sight…..Hormone goggles gone HORRIBLY wrong

You would think there would be a stage in life when we stop acting like horny teenagers but Im starting to think that there really isn’t. I am 27 years old and still fall into lust at first sight! Many people however constantly confuse lust at first sight for the other “L” word. They are in love immediately and there is no room in their dopamine induced decision making for error. Newsflash folks, you haven’t found Mr./Mrs. Right you have found Mr./Mrs. Right Now.

Ask your self these questions:

  1. Do you like them as a person?
  2. Could you see yourself doing things with that didn’t involve partying or sex?
  3. do you both have the same work ethic?
  4. Do you both want the same things for the further?
  5. Do you both have similar views on boundaries in a relationship?
  6. Do you both have the same sex drive?
  7. Do you have anything in common?
  8. Do you like giving head and does he like getting it?

I am hoping that you recognize that the answers to these questions are important because they will make or break your potential to be a functioning and long-lasting couple. I know number 8 was a curve ball but it is really important. Believe it or not there are some men that don’t like getting their dick sucked and their are some women who love it more than anything and you better hope the 2 of you are compatible.

So many people these days are looking for a companion and they neglect to recognize that just because their bodies say yes does not mean that in the long wrong the head’s and heart;s wont say,  “Get the fuck away from me!” Hormones are a mother fucker and once they are in charge its the equivalent of beer goggles. Right around that time of the month for women our estrogen levels are through the roof and craving testosterone. You know what this means for you macho men? It means that around this time women are extremely susceptible to your macho charms. Get it it while you can guys because after this time she may not like you as much or even at all. LOL

A couple of weeks ago this type of hormone ambush happened to me! I swear I was totally into this guy. He was hot, big and an ex athlete. He had “MAN” written all over him and I wanted to jump him the minute I met him. I didn’t of course I kept control even though all I wanted to do was rip his clothes off. LOL We started talking and I thought I really liked him. Turns out that time of the month was right around the corner so even if I wanted to get down I couldn’t……..not yet at least. After I had shed my crazy so to speak, he called and we made plans to hang out. He comes over one night because I cooked dinner for the both of us. Immediately as he walks in the door he says, “Hey Babe” and nothing! Nothing happened……I had no feeling whatsoever. I looked at his face which he had not shaved, and his clothes…..needless to say the feeling of wanting to jump his bones or boner was completely gone! UGGGHHHH Are you serious? Like I was all ready to just go for it and now I couldn’t get into it if I tried. What the hell is that about? so I started to do a little research and came to the aforementioned conclusion. I Had hormone goggles on.

 

 

Im not a player I just Crush a lot

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So since I was a kid my friends have called me a “Man-Eater” LOL I am not saying that I am but I am saying that I usually have an attention span that last about 3 weeks before I get bored of whomever I am talking to at the moment and I move on. But this was when I was younger and although I still have the same short attention span I am more open to the idea of a relationship than when I was younger. So recently something was said to me that pissed me off but made my think.

A guy hit me up on Instagram and asked for my phone number. At first I said “HELL NO” because as most of you know I have a serious bone to pick with the idiots that use social networking as some kind of surrogate E-Harmoney. Not long after that he friend requested me on Facebook and I accepted. We spoke a little bit and after calling him out on some bullshit he told me, “If anyone has a shady relationship history its you. You are the player.” LOL are you kidding me???? Im a player? Well lets just clear this right the fuck up.

Player: A male/female who is skilled at manipulating (“playing”) others, and especially at seducing women by pretending to care about them, when in reality they are only interested in sex.

That would not be me! I am BEYOND honest at all times with men especially when I am not interested in them. I make it 100% crystal fucking clear at all times. So why would this guy call me a player? Well after a good conversation with a friend of mine where he told me that this guy is a fucking idiot, I finally figure it out. Rejection is a mother fucker and rather than reacting like a mature adult, he threw a bitch fitch and did the equivalent of telling me “You aren’t hot anyway!” LOL some people just cant handle it well. Unfortunately for him that kind of behavior is why he is single. For future reference if you want a woman you should probably act like a fucking MAN!

Double Dipping

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Double Dipping is usually a term used for someone who dips his or her chip takes a bite then dips again. I know what you are thinking. Are we talking about food or sex? Well for some the 2 go hand in hand but that is not what we are talking about today. I will save that one for another blog. LOL Have you ever known someone (or been that someone) who has kissed 2 people in one night or worse fucked 2 people in one night? Maybe you have set up 2 dates back to back and neither guy knows about it. Or were you the person it was done too? Either way I’m sure most of you have experienced this in one way or another.

Ok I have to admit, this idea for a blog came from an experience my friend had. He was on the receiving end but I actually have been the one to do it to someone else. I was 19 when I did it, young and reckless clearly. But first we are going to talk about his experience because we are all adults now and to double dip this day in age, short of being a hooker, is just bad form.

Recently a friend of mine was telling me a story about this girl that flew in from Miami to see him. She came here specifically for him! Keep that in mind when reading this. I’m sitting on his floor and he is telling me how this girl, who shall remain nameless, comes into town too see him but first stops at a club with her girlfriend to have some drinks and hangout. He decided that he didn’t want to go out because he was tired and had been out all week. Now this guy’s roommate works at Pure Nightclub, which just happens to be the spot, she decided to go to, and that is how he found out. Apparently after going out and getting sufficiently drunk with her friend she made out with some guy at the bar almost directly in front of the roommate. Little did the roommate know she would later go over to see my friend to fuck. He had no clue what she had been up to previous to ringing his doorbell in the wee hours but he would find out the next day. She had no clue she would be cut off but would soon figure it out when his treatment of her would become nothing short of “Fuck Off.”

No guy or girl wants to find out that they were a part of a pseudo threesome after the fact without their knowledge or consent. I am not saying that it is cheating or even wrong but in my opinion it is bad form. When you are young and you do stuff like that it is almost as if you are acting out. You get a pass because you have just figured out what sex is and are testing your own boundaries in regards to your newfound sexual freedom. You are dating and being a “Grown up.” You have watched far too much “Sex and the City” and are taking your lead from Samantha’s sexual exploits. I get it I really do; however as an adult you should have gotten all of that out of your system. You know better by now and it doesn’t have the same rush effect on you that it did when you were younger. There really is no reason to be fucking 2 people in one night or honestly even double booking dates and you sure as hell shouldn’t be flying from one side of the country to another too see a guy but first stop to make-out with another dude at a nightclub in front of said guys room-mate. This is a huge “DUH” moment.