There are a great many things that happen to people in life and so many stages in which you experience them. When you are 22 and a guy you like says he is seeing other girls or better yet you find out about it on your own, you might freak out or act out an entire telenovela in your mind then confront him and freak out some more.
You might send and angry text, not asking for an explanation but instead accusing them of all the things you think are going on. He was never your boyfriend and there was no discussion or understanding to what it is you meant to each other, so what right do you have to get angry right? But you do. You get mad and hurt, you see the potential for all the things you might have wanted go down the drain, and this alone is the reason for your overreaction.
It is funny how when you are older and have been beaten down by life’s experiences you learn to react differently. In your years growing up and dealing with the male female dynamic you have been taught lessons by life rather than by your parents or your teachers or those stupid romantic movies that always have a happy ending like John Cusack standing in her driveway with a boom box blasting, “In Your Eyes.” You learn that relationships and exclusivity aren’t always synonymous. Relationship is a very fluid concept. It doesn’t always mean the same thing to everyone.
When I was younger I was afraid of the hurt that can arise when you give someone your trust and your heart. I was not one of the girls who was so eager to be loved and in a coupling that I threw caution to the wind. So instead I became the man, so to speak, in a relationship. I had open relationships for years. I did my thing and they did theirs and that was that.
As I have grown older my idea of what I want has changed so much. I know now that I want a relationship. Not in the conventional sense, but I do want one. I now understand the need to date and see what is out there in order to really evaluate someone and whether or not you want to be with them. It is a necessary part of the process, because who wants to rush into anything, only to realize you cant’ stand the person you are with?
In every situation, the time will eventually come when you need to have a conversation to clarify where each of you stands and what it is you are looking for. As a girl the impulse is to compromise what you want because you are hoping that if you hold out, HE WILL CHOOSE YOU. As a woman, you know that the choice doesn’t only belong to him. Do you choose him? If he says to you, he isn’t looking for a girlfriend then what is your response?
My response is this: Thanks but no thanks. I try my best to remain calm and rational because in my mind I know that I am not the exception, I am the rule. No matter how amazing I am, if I am not what he wants or he is not ready for anything significant, that is the end of the story. Value yourself and know that in respecting yourself and what you want, eventually it will come. You’ll never get what you truly deserve if you remain attached to what you’re supposed to let go of.