Girl Vs. Woman

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There are a great many things that happen to people in life and so many stages in which you experience them. When you are 22 and a guy you like says he is seeing other girls or better yet you find out about it on your own, you might freak out or act out an entire telenovela in your mind then confront him and freak out some more.

You might send and angry text, not asking for an explanation but instead accusing them of all the things you think are going on. He was never your boyfriend and there was no discussion or understanding to what it is you meant to each other, so what right do you have to get angry right? But you do. You get mad and hurt, you see the potential for all the things you might have wanted go down the drain, and this alone is the reason for your overreaction.

It is funny how when you are older and have been beaten down by life’s experiences you learn to react differently. In your years growing up and dealing with the male female dynamic you have been taught lessons by life rather than by your parents or your teachers or those stupid romantic movies that always have a happy ending like John Cusack standing in her driveway with a boom box blasting, “In Your Eyes.”  You learn that relationships and exclusivity aren’t always synonymous. Relationship is a very fluid concept.  It doesn’t always mean the same thing to everyone.

When I was younger I was afraid of the hurt that can arise when you give someone your trust and your heart. I was not one of the girls who was so eager to be loved and in a coupling that I threw caution to the wind. So instead I became the man, so to speak, in a relationship. I had open relationships for years. I did my thing and they did theirs and that was that.

As I have grown older my idea of what I want has changed so much. I know now that I want a relationship. Not in the conventional sense, but I do want one. I now understand the need to date and see what is out there in order to really evaluate someone and whether or not you want to be with them. It is a necessary part of the process, because who wants to rush into anything, only to realize you cant’ stand the person you are with?

In every situation, the time will eventually come when you need to have a conversation to clarify where each of you stands and what it is you are looking for. As a girl the impulse is to compromise what you want because you are hoping that if you hold out, HE WILL CHOOSE YOU. As a woman, you know that the choice doesn’t only belong to him. Do you choose him? If he says to you, he isn’t looking for a girlfriend then what is your response?

My response is this: Thanks but no thanks. I try my best to remain calm and rational because in my mind I know that I am not the exception, I am the rule. No matter how amazing I am, if I am not what he wants or he is not ready for anything significant, that is the end of the story. Value yourself and know that in respecting yourself and what you want, eventually it will come. You’ll never get what you truly deserve if you remain attached to what you’re supposed to let go of.

BAD

“Is it bad that I never made love, no I never did it
But I sure know how to fuck
I’ll be your bad girl, I’ll prove it to you
I can’t promise that I’ll be good to you
Cause I have some issues, I won’t commit
No, not having it
But at least I can admit that I’ll be bad no to you
Yeah, I’ll be good in bed but I’ll be bad to you
Bad that I never made love, no I never did it
But I sure know how to fuck”

A new song for our generation? I know it sounds sappy as hell but have you ever made love? I was racking my mind this morning thinking of all of my sexual encounters. I was going back through the reel that we all have. I was a virgin until I was 18. Hard to believe I know. LOL I was thinking back to my very first time and going through every time and guy since then. It is a little disturbing but for most of them, I was intoxicated so I could honestly say they were not “love making” experiences. That’s not to say that you can’t have sex in a love making way but let’s be real, its still just sex. Then I started to consider the fact that almost all of my experiences weren’t as a result out of any form of monogamy. Could that be it? Was that the secret sauce, so to say, missing from my experiences?

I was monogamous with one guy. He was one of my best friends for years. He was an amazing person and so much fun. He loved that I wore converse, vans, long socks. short shorts, wife beaters and my hair wild and whatever. He was my homie and my lover. We always had really good sex because it was fun and carefree. We didn’t care and there were no pretenses. However even with him I don’t think we ever made love. I loved him of course more than I had ever loved anyone but I have never really been open enough to be in love with someone so even with him it wasn’t “making love.”

I sometimes wonder if it is possible for me to be in love. What is that like? Or maybe I have been but I’m not sure. Maybe this is something that everyone goes through in life or it could be the great deficiency of our generation. We are like kids in a candy store. So many flavors, making it so hard to choose just one. Every day, flooded by the many shapes and colors, unable to make a choice and stick with it. How do you choose just one? Is it even possible anymore?

Is that a Vibrator in your shower?!?!?!

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We all do it folks. Masturbation is pretty natural and if you say you are not doing it well then you are lying. I had never owned a vibrator before in my life. When I needed to get off I just went with the tried and true “double click the mouse” method. My good friend Heather and I were dead in the middle of shopping at our local Deja Vu, trying to find pieces to construct the prototype of an oral sex aid that we had both imagined when low and behold we come across the vibrators. Heather suggests that since I hadn’t been laid in a bit or at least not with a happy ending that I should make the wise investment of buying a vibrator. After much harassment by both her and the girl behind the counter, I pulled out my american express and spent $170.00 dollars on a brand spanking new…bright pink vibrator. Turns out it was the BEST $170.00 dollars I have spent ever, with the exception of my Jeffery Campbell black leather “Lita” boots. I love those boots!

Now that I have explained a little of the back story on how there came to be a bright pink vibrator in my shower ill explain the story in full. Im sitting in my living room minding my own business when my friend Adam texts me to ask what I’m doing. He lives in my building and is bored so I invited him down.

He had never been inside my place before so he was exploring and checking things out. He went from my living room to my bedroom before his last stop in my bathroom. Why he decided to open my shower curtain I didn’t understand at the time. Once I saw my vibrator in the shower I totally freaked out LOL I jumped and grabbed the shower curtain right after he opened it, yanking it closed. He fought me on it for a second thinking by my reaction there must be something embarrassing in there. He went back to open in and out comes the statement, “Is that a vibrator in your shower?!?!?”

I died, right then and there I died and yet at the same time I wished someone had been filming because it was beyond hilarious. I mean how often do people just get to witness embarrassment like that? My B.O.B. (battery operated boyfriend) wasn’t in a side table drawer or in my closet or even in my underwear drawer like most people with discretion hide theirs. Instead mine is just chillen in the shower not inconspicuous at all. LOL  Even better than that my guy friend who had never stepped foot in my apartment has just received a tour of my humble abode as well as a peek into my sexual proclivities. If my reaction was the cause of hilarity, the look on his face was classic. It was a cross between shock and intrigue. I just became a sexual person! A girl with her vibrator out and about in clear view (well sort of). He hasn’t let me live it down since and it has become a topic of reminisce that he likes to bring up often and in front of others. I guess if my embarrassment leads to someone else’s amusement then I can take solace in the fact that I made someone laugh.

Just a tip ladies, HIDE YOUR SEX TOYS! Or fuck it, don’t hide them! Be someones funny story and in my case don’t hide who you are one bit. However on my sister’s advice, when the family comes to visit put your vibrator away……take it out of the shower and put it away. 🙂

No Permission No Entry

Why is it that most men start off saying, “Don’t knock it till you try it” about anal sex? Its like they think that using some cliche phrase is going to somehow convince you to throw you asshole virginity to the wind and just go for it. How about guys, you let a girl buy a strap on and shove it in your ass? See how you like it. “Don’t knock it till you try it,” right? Or even better when they do it without permission because it just “slipped in” and then they spit out, “Just relax.” Yeah fucking right! Just relax my ass!

Now I have developed a theory based on my own personal experiences and those of my friends.To date I have noticed there are 2 types of guys who like anal sex. Usually it is a guy with a small dick because they are typically looking for the smallest hole possible. So if its not your asshole then they are dating cute little asian girls. (Don’t get offended girls I only say the asian thing because my boys tell me stories) The second type of guy is the one who has a boundary pushing pleasure. They like to do everything and anything. They are adventurous to an extreme. It has never been part of my own sexual bucket list to have a dick in my ass because its just not my thing but let me tell you guys without permission there is no entry!

All that being said a sneak attack was performed on my friend’s butt the other night. It was like a ninja move in the bedroom but from what I have heard from her, he has a small dick so it doesn’t surprise me that he chose to surprise her. She prefaces her story with, “My butt-hole got raped last night!!!!” Then proceeds to tell me the story, that is of course after I stopped laughing. Apparently after she left my house and went home he comes over to her house. They were having missionary sex and he goes to flip her over. She is thinking alright cool, doggy style, I love it. All of the sudden he sticks his little dick in her ass and tells her to “Just relax.” WTF!?!?!? Just fucking relax my ass! Who the fuck does that? She was mortified and in shock. Not even all the shots she had that night prepared her for that traumatizing experience. She immediately freaked out and told him to stop. She was pissed as any woman would be.

Guys there is no occasion where first time around you just put it in her ass, no discussion at all. No permission no entry bottom line. Take the dick out of the equation how would some of you like it if with no warning at all we just shoved anything in your ass. I know guys who don’t even want a finger in there let alone anything else!  Why on earth would you think it was ok to just go for it with absolutely no warning? Have a little respect would you.

Im not a player I just Crush a lot

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So since I was a kid my friends have called me a “Man-Eater” LOL I am not saying that I am but I am saying that I usually have an attention span that last about 3 weeks before I get bored of whomever I am talking to at the moment and I move on. But this was when I was younger and although I still have the same short attention span I am more open to the idea of a relationship than when I was younger. So recently something was said to me that pissed me off but made my think.

A guy hit me up on Instagram and asked for my phone number. At first I said “HELL NO” because as most of you know I have a serious bone to pick with the idiots that use social networking as some kind of surrogate E-Harmoney. Not long after that he friend requested me on Facebook and I accepted. We spoke a little bit and after calling him out on some bullshit he told me, “If anyone has a shady relationship history its you. You are the player.” LOL are you kidding me???? Im a player? Well lets just clear this right the fuck up.

Player: A male/female who is skilled at manipulating (“playing”) others, and especially at seducing women by pretending to care about them, when in reality they are only interested in sex.

That would not be me! I am BEYOND honest at all times with men especially when I am not interested in them. I make it 100% crystal fucking clear at all times. So why would this guy call me a player? Well after a good conversation with a friend of mine where he told me that this guy is a fucking idiot, I finally figure it out. Rejection is a mother fucker and rather than reacting like a mature adult, he threw a bitch fitch and did the equivalent of telling me “You aren’t hot anyway!” LOL some people just cant handle it well. Unfortunately for him that kind of behavior is why he is single. For future reference if you want a woman you should probably act like a fucking MAN!

Double Dipping

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Double Dipping is usually a term used for someone who dips his or her chip takes a bite then dips again. I know what you are thinking. Are we talking about food or sex? Well for some the 2 go hand in hand but that is not what we are talking about today. I will save that one for another blog. LOL Have you ever known someone (or been that someone) who has kissed 2 people in one night or worse fucked 2 people in one night? Maybe you have set up 2 dates back to back and neither guy knows about it. Or were you the person it was done too? Either way I’m sure most of you have experienced this in one way or another.

Ok I have to admit, this idea for a blog came from an experience my friend had. He was on the receiving end but I actually have been the one to do it to someone else. I was 19 when I did it, young and reckless clearly. But first we are going to talk about his experience because we are all adults now and to double dip this day in age, short of being a hooker, is just bad form.

Recently a friend of mine was telling me a story about this girl that flew in from Miami to see him. She came here specifically for him! Keep that in mind when reading this. I’m sitting on his floor and he is telling me how this girl, who shall remain nameless, comes into town too see him but first stops at a club with her girlfriend to have some drinks and hangout. He decided that he didn’t want to go out because he was tired and had been out all week. Now this guy’s roommate works at Pure Nightclub, which just happens to be the spot, she decided to go to, and that is how he found out. Apparently after going out and getting sufficiently drunk with her friend she made out with some guy at the bar almost directly in front of the roommate. Little did the roommate know she would later go over to see my friend to fuck. He had no clue what she had been up to previous to ringing his doorbell in the wee hours but he would find out the next day. She had no clue she would be cut off but would soon figure it out when his treatment of her would become nothing short of “Fuck Off.”

No guy or girl wants to find out that they were a part of a pseudo threesome after the fact without their knowledge or consent. I am not saying that it is cheating or even wrong but in my opinion it is bad form. When you are young and you do stuff like that it is almost as if you are acting out. You get a pass because you have just figured out what sex is and are testing your own boundaries in regards to your newfound sexual freedom. You are dating and being a “Grown up.” You have watched far too much “Sex and the City” and are taking your lead from Samantha’s sexual exploits. I get it I really do; however as an adult you should have gotten all of that out of your system. You know better by now and it doesn’t have the same rush effect on you that it did when you were younger. There really is no reason to be fucking 2 people in one night or honestly even double booking dates and you sure as hell shouldn’t be flying from one side of the country to another too see a guy but first stop to make-out with another dude at a nightclub in front of said guys room-mate. This is a huge “DUH” moment.

 

Do Opposites Attract??? Or Blow Up In Your Face?

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Its all well and good if you 2 are night and day but if your differences are causing fights all day and night then you have a problem on your hands that no amount of proclaiming “opposites attract’ will help rationalize. A good relationship depends on a lot of factors but as it pertains to “opposites attract” it more depends on how you handle those factors. Are you understanding of your partners quarks and are they understanding of yours? You need to have more in common than your love of burritos and action movies. Of course no one wants to date themselves but if your “opposites attracts” refers to your core non-negotiables then no amount of attraction is going to help.

Depending on the type of person you are and where you are in your life, you will at some point date your opposite. The best thing about dating your opposite is that you are constantly challenged. You are exposed to the traits that you lack leaving you to go all Jerry Maguire on the person proclaiming “You complete me.” You see it all the time! The good girl falls for the bad boy who treats her like shit or the shy guy at work falls for the wild child party girl. The really sweet guy falls for the controlling bossy bitch, leaving his friends totally confused as to why he isn’t dating the nice girl next door.

Many people are attracted to their opposites only to find that as time goes on you are far more different that you ever suspected. Ask yourself this: after the honeymoon period is over, are the things you once found cute still cute or do they make you want to shove your partner in front of the nearest moving bus? A lot of people these days are so eager to shack up that they COMPLETELY  ignore every single red flag that pops up. In one conversation 10 deal breakers can come up and through the haze of delusion, both people will ignore things that will have them wanting to kill each other 6 months later. If you know that your boyfriends friends are annoying as hell and you hate all of them, there is a chance that you wont get along for very long. If your girlfriend hates kids and you want a tribe, your relationship is doomed. There are things to consider when entering into a relationship and if you choose to ignore them in the hopes they will change you are bound to fail. Ask yourself this: Would you change who you are for them?