We all do it folks. Masturbation is pretty natural and if you say you are not doing it well then you are lying. I had never owned a vibrator before in my life. When I needed to get off I just went with the tried and true “double click the mouse” method. My good friend Heather and I were dead in the middle of shopping at our local Deja Vu, trying to find pieces to construct the prototype of an oral sex aid that we had both imagined when low and behold we come across the vibrators. Heather suggests that since I hadn’t been laid in a bit or at least not with a happy ending that I should make the wise investment of buying a vibrator. After much harassment by both her and the girl behind the counter, I pulled out my american express and spent $170.00 dollars on a brand spanking new…bright pink vibrator. Turns out it was the BEST $170.00 dollars I have spent ever, with the exception of my Jeffery Campbell black leather “Lita” boots. I love those boots!
Now that I have explained a little of the back story on how there came to be a bright pink vibrator in my shower ill explain the story in full. Im sitting in my living room minding my own business when my friend Adam texts me to ask what I’m doing. He lives in my building and is bored so I invited him down.
He had never been inside my place before so he was exploring and checking things out. He went from my living room to my bedroom before his last stop in my bathroom. Why he decided to open my shower curtain I didn’t understand at the time. Once I saw my vibrator in the shower I totally freaked out LOL I jumped and grabbed the shower curtain right after he opened it, yanking it closed. He fought me on it for a second thinking by my reaction there must be something embarrassing in there. He went back to open in and out comes the statement, “Is that a vibrator in your shower?!?!?”
I died, right then and there I died and yet at the same time I wished someone had been filming because it was beyond hilarious. I mean how often do people just get to witness embarrassment like that? My B.O.B. (battery operated boyfriend) wasn’t in a side table drawer or in my closet or even in my underwear drawer like most people with discretion hide theirs. Instead mine is just chillen in the shower not inconspicuous at all. LOL Even better than that my guy friend who had never stepped foot in my apartment has just received a tour of my humble abode as well as a peek into my sexual proclivities. If my reaction was the cause of hilarity, the look on his face was classic. It was a cross between shock and intrigue. I just became a sexual person! A girl with her vibrator out and about in clear view (well sort of). He hasn’t let me live it down since and it has become a topic of reminisce that he likes to bring up often and in front of others. I guess if my embarrassment leads to someone else’s amusement then I can take solace in the fact that I made someone laugh.
Just a tip ladies, HIDE YOUR SEX TOYS! Or fuck it, don’t hide them! Be someones funny story and in my case don’t hide who you are one bit. However on my sister’s advice, when the family comes to visit put your vibrator away……take it out of the shower and put it away. 🙂
Posted in facebook, relationships, sex
Tags: arch, ass, baggage, bathrtub, bed, boobs, boy, boyfriend, boys, break, breakup, butt, climax, dating, denial, dick, dynamic, emotion, girl, girlfriend, girls, guys, heartbreak, hot, las vegas, legs, lelo, lelo vibrator, love, man, men, naked, oral sex, orgasm, relationship, relationships, sex, sex toy, sexy, shower, tattoo, tattooed girl, tattoos, tits, truth, vibrator, woman, women
Leave a comment
Why is it that most men start off saying, “Don’t knock it till you try it” about anal sex? Its like they think that using some cliche phrase is going to somehow convince you to throw you asshole virginity to the wind and just go for it. How about guys, you let a girl buy a strap on and shove it in your ass? See how you like it. “Don’t knock it till you try it,” right? Or even better when they do it without permission because it just “slipped in” and then they spit out, “Just relax.” Yeah fucking right! Just relax my ass!
Now I have developed a theory based on my own personal experiences and those of my friends.To date I have noticed there are 2 types of guys who like anal sex. Usually it is a guy with a small dick because they are typically looking for the smallest hole possible. So if its not your asshole then they are dating cute little asian girls. (Don’t get offended girls I only say the asian thing because my boys tell me stories) The second type of guy is the one who has a boundary pushing pleasure. They like to do everything and anything. They are adventurous to an extreme. It has never been part of my own sexual bucket list to have a dick in my ass because its just not my thing but let me tell you guys without permission there is no entry!
All that being said a sneak attack was performed on my friend’s butt the other night. It was like a ninja move in the bedroom but from what I have heard from her, he has a small dick so it doesn’t surprise me that he chose to surprise her. She prefaces her story with, “My butt-hole got raped last night!!!!” Then proceeds to tell me the story, that is of course after I stopped laughing. Apparently after she left my house and went home he comes over to her house. They were having missionary sex and he goes to flip her over. She is thinking alright cool, doggy style, I love it. All of the sudden he sticks his little dick in her ass and tells her to “Just relax.” WTF!?!?!? Just fucking relax my ass! Who the fuck does that? She was mortified and in shock. Not even all the shots she had that night prepared her for that traumatizing experience. She immediately freaked out and told him to stop. She was pissed as any woman would be.
Guys there is no occasion where first time around you just put it in her ass, no discussion at all. No permission no entry bottom line. Take the dick out of the equation how would some of you like it if with no warning at all we just shoved anything in your ass. I know guys who don’t even want a finger in there let alone anything else! Why on earth would you think it was ok to just go for it with absolutely no warning? Have a little respect would you.
Posted in relationships, sex
Tags: arch, ass, bed, boobs, boy, boyfriend, boys, butt, climax, dating, deep, denial, dick, dynamic, girl, girlfriend, girls, guys, hot, legs, love, man, men, naked, oral sex, orgasm, penis, relationship, relationships, sex, sexy, tits, tongue, truth, woman, women
Leave a comment
Its all well and good if you 2 are night and day but if your differences are causing fights all day and night then you have a problem on your hands that no amount of proclaiming “opposites attract’ will help rationalize. A good relationship depends on a lot of factors but as it pertains to “opposites attract” it more depends on how you handle those factors. Are you understanding of your partners quarks and are they understanding of yours? You need to have more in common than your love of burritos and action movies. Of course no one wants to date themselves but if your “opposites attracts” refers to your core non-negotiables then no amount of attraction is going to help.
Depending on the type of person you are and where you are in your life, you will at some point date your opposite. The best thing about dating your opposite is that you are constantly challenged. You are exposed to the traits that you lack leaving you to go all Jerry Maguire on the person proclaiming “You complete me.” You see it all the time! The good girl falls for the bad boy who treats her like shit or the shy guy at work falls for the wild child party girl. The really sweet guy falls for the controlling bossy bitch, leaving his friends totally confused as to why he isn’t dating the nice girl next door.
Many people are attracted to their opposites only to find that as time goes on you are far more different that you ever suspected. Ask yourself this: after the honeymoon period is over, are the things you once found cute still cute or do they make you want to shove your partner in front of the nearest moving bus? A lot of people these days are so eager to shack up that they COMPLETELY ignore every single red flag that pops up. In one conversation 10 deal breakers can come up and through the haze of delusion, both people will ignore things that will have them wanting to kill each other 6 months later. If you know that your boyfriends friends are annoying as hell and you hate all of them, there is a chance that you wont get along for very long. If your girlfriend hates kids and you want a tribe, your relationship is doomed. There are things to consider when entering into a relationship and if you choose to ignore them in the hopes they will change you are bound to fail. Ask yourself this: Would you change who you are for them?
Posted in relationships, sex, Uncategorized
Tags: ass, attraction, bed, black, boobs, boy, boyfriend, boys, break, breakup, dating, dynamic, emotion, girl, girlfriend, girls, guys, heartbreak, hot, love, man, men, naked, opposites, paint, red, relationship, relationships, sex, sexy, shoes, truth, woman, women
Leave a comment