Girl Vs. Woman

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There are a great many things that happen to people in life and so many stages in which you experience them. When you are 22 and a guy you like says he is seeing other girls or better yet you find out about it on your own, you might freak out or act out an entire telenovela in your mind then confront him and freak out some more.

You might send and angry text, not asking for an explanation but instead accusing them of all the things you think are going on. He was never your boyfriend and there was no discussion or understanding to what it is you meant to each other, so what right do you have to get angry right? But you do. You get mad and hurt, you see the potential for all the things you might have wanted go down the drain, and this alone is the reason for your overreaction.

It is funny how when you are older and have been beaten down by life’s experiences you learn to react differently. In your years growing up and dealing with the male female dynamic you have been taught lessons by life rather than by your parents or your teachers or those stupid romantic movies that always have a happy ending like John Cusack standing in her driveway with a boom box blasting, “In Your Eyes.”  You learn that relationships and exclusivity aren’t always synonymous. Relationship is a very fluid concept.  It doesn’t always mean the same thing to everyone.

When I was younger I was afraid of the hurt that can arise when you give someone your trust and your heart. I was not one of the girls who was so eager to be loved and in a coupling that I threw caution to the wind. So instead I became the man, so to speak, in a relationship. I had open relationships for years. I did my thing and they did theirs and that was that.

As I have grown older my idea of what I want has changed so much. I know now that I want a relationship. Not in the conventional sense, but I do want one. I now understand the need to date and see what is out there in order to really evaluate someone and whether or not you want to be with them. It is a necessary part of the process, because who wants to rush into anything, only to realize you cant’ stand the person you are with?

In every situation, the time will eventually come when you need to have a conversation to clarify where each of you stands and what it is you are looking for. As a girl the impulse is to compromise what you want because you are hoping that if you hold out, HE WILL CHOOSE YOU. As a woman, you know that the choice doesn’t only belong to him. Do you choose him? If he says to you, he isn’t looking for a girlfriend then what is your response?

My response is this: Thanks but no thanks. I try my best to remain calm and rational because in my mind I know that I am not the exception, I am the rule. No matter how amazing I am, if I am not what he wants or he is not ready for anything significant, that is the end of the story. Value yourself and know that in respecting yourself and what you want, eventually it will come. You’ll never get what you truly deserve if you remain attached to what you’re supposed to let go of.

BAD

“Is it bad that I never made love, no I never did it
But I sure know how to fuck
I’ll be your bad girl, I’ll prove it to you
I can’t promise that I’ll be good to you
Cause I have some issues, I won’t commit
No, not having it
But at least I can admit that I’ll be bad no to you
Yeah, I’ll be good in bed but I’ll be bad to you
Bad that I never made love, no I never did it
But I sure know how to fuck”

A new song for our generation? I know it sounds sappy as hell but have you ever made love? I was racking my mind this morning thinking of all of my sexual encounters. I was going back through the reel that we all have. I was a virgin until I was 18. Hard to believe I know. LOL I was thinking back to my very first time and going through every time and guy since then. It is a little disturbing but for most of them, I was intoxicated so I could honestly say they were not “love making” experiences. That’s not to say that you can’t have sex in a love making way but let’s be real, its still just sex. Then I started to consider the fact that almost all of my experiences weren’t as a result out of any form of monogamy. Could that be it? Was that the secret sauce, so to say, missing from my experiences?

I was monogamous with one guy. He was one of my best friends for years. He was an amazing person and so much fun. He loved that I wore converse, vans, long socks. short shorts, wife beaters and my hair wild and whatever. He was my homie and my lover. We always had really good sex because it was fun and carefree. We didn’t care and there were no pretenses. However even with him I don’t think we ever made love. I loved him of course more than I had ever loved anyone but I have never really been open enough to be in love with someone so even with him it wasn’t “making love.”

I sometimes wonder if it is possible for me to be in love. What is that like? Or maybe I have been but I’m not sure. Maybe this is something that everyone goes through in life or it could be the great deficiency of our generation. We are like kids in a candy store. So many flavors, making it so hard to choose just one. Every day, flooded by the many shapes and colors, unable to make a choice and stick with it. How do you choose just one? Is it even possible anymore?

Im not a player I just Crush a lot

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So since I was a kid my friends have called me a “Man-Eater” LOL I am not saying that I am but I am saying that I usually have an attention span that last about 3 weeks before I get bored of whomever I am talking to at the moment and I move on. But this was when I was younger and although I still have the same short attention span I am more open to the idea of a relationship than when I was younger. So recently something was said to me that pissed me off but made my think.

A guy hit me up on Instagram and asked for my phone number. At first I said “HELL NO” because as most of you know I have a serious bone to pick with the idiots that use social networking as some kind of surrogate E-Harmoney. Not long after that he friend requested me on Facebook and I accepted. We spoke a little bit and after calling him out on some bullshit he told me, “If anyone has a shady relationship history its you. You are the player.” LOL are you kidding me???? Im a player? Well lets just clear this right the fuck up.

Player: A male/female who is skilled at manipulating (“playing”) others, and especially at seducing women by pretending to care about them, when in reality they are only interested in sex.

That would not be me! I am BEYOND honest at all times with men especially when I am not interested in them. I make it 100% crystal fucking clear at all times. So why would this guy call me a player? Well after a good conversation with a friend of mine where he told me that this guy is a fucking idiot, I finally figure it out. Rejection is a mother fucker and rather than reacting like a mature adult, he threw a bitch fitch and did the equivalent of telling me “You aren’t hot anyway!” LOL some people just cant handle it well. Unfortunately for him that kind of behavior is why he is single. For future reference if you want a woman you should probably act like a fucking MAN!

Double Dipping

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Double Dipping is usually a term used for someone who dips his or her chip takes a bite then dips again. I know what you are thinking. Are we talking about food or sex? Well for some the 2 go hand in hand but that is not what we are talking about today. I will save that one for another blog. LOL Have you ever known someone (or been that someone) who has kissed 2 people in one night or worse fucked 2 people in one night? Maybe you have set up 2 dates back to back and neither guy knows about it. Or were you the person it was done too? Either way I’m sure most of you have experienced this in one way or another.

Ok I have to admit, this idea for a blog came from an experience my friend had. He was on the receiving end but I actually have been the one to do it to someone else. I was 19 when I did it, young and reckless clearly. But first we are going to talk about his experience because we are all adults now and to double dip this day in age, short of being a hooker, is just bad form.

Recently a friend of mine was telling me a story about this girl that flew in from Miami to see him. She came here specifically for him! Keep that in mind when reading this. I’m sitting on his floor and he is telling me how this girl, who shall remain nameless, comes into town too see him but first stops at a club with her girlfriend to have some drinks and hangout. He decided that he didn’t want to go out because he was tired and had been out all week. Now this guy’s roommate works at Pure Nightclub, which just happens to be the spot, she decided to go to, and that is how he found out. Apparently after going out and getting sufficiently drunk with her friend she made out with some guy at the bar almost directly in front of the roommate. Little did the roommate know she would later go over to see my friend to fuck. He had no clue what she had been up to previous to ringing his doorbell in the wee hours but he would find out the next day. She had no clue she would be cut off but would soon figure it out when his treatment of her would become nothing short of “Fuck Off.”

No guy or girl wants to find out that they were a part of a pseudo threesome after the fact without their knowledge or consent. I am not saying that it is cheating or even wrong but in my opinion it is bad form. When you are young and you do stuff like that it is almost as if you are acting out. You get a pass because you have just figured out what sex is and are testing your own boundaries in regards to your newfound sexual freedom. You are dating and being a “Grown up.” You have watched far too much “Sex and the City” and are taking your lead from Samantha’s sexual exploits. I get it I really do; however as an adult you should have gotten all of that out of your system. You know better by now and it doesn’t have the same rush effect on you that it did when you were younger. There really is no reason to be fucking 2 people in one night or honestly even double booking dates and you sure as hell shouldn’t be flying from one side of the country to another too see a guy but first stop to make-out with another dude at a nightclub in front of said guys room-mate. This is a huge “DUH” moment.

 

Throw A Bitch Fit & I Will Treat You Like A Bitch.

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The dating world is a jungle! I have never really dated before but now that I’m older I’m trying it out. I like to call our generation the “Shack up Generation” because we don’t date these days, we hook up and are inseparable then we breakup and repeat. So instead of implementing this failing and immature plan of action I have decided to go against the grain. I am dating left and right! Just so I don’t confuse you when I say dating, I mean I go out on dates at restaurants with guys who ask me out.

Recently I was asked out but because of prior plans I wasn’t able to go out with him. I’m thinking it’s no big deal that we can schedule dinner for another day. Apparently that was not the case. This guy legitimately threw a bitch fit. He got pissed at me and his texts went from nice to short and rude. I was shocked! It had been a while since I had come across a man who threw bitch fits like a woman on her rag. I was actually so caught off guard that I really had no idea how to respond. I mean do I treat him like my 4-year-old nephew when he throws a fit? Should I reprimand him? Or should I just not talk to him anymore? I decided to rip him a new asshole. I know you are so surprised. LOL I informed him immediately that I didn’t know what his problem was but his behavior was not going to be tolerated by me. I am not the chick! He didn’t like that very much so instead he just didn’t answer back.

Here is the thing guys, if you act like a bitch you will get treated like one. You will get scolded for you poor behavior and then quickly cut off. I have no tolerance for childish behavior in a man and if a woman is smart she will recognize your reactions as red flags and keep it moving. Ladies if a man throws a fit or if you see any other shady or unacceptable behavior have the conviction to cut him off IMMEDIATELY. Otherwise later on down the line you will have a bigger problem on your hands.

 

# Puppies

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My friends and I like to call them “Pound Puppies” but if you are unfamiliar with this term then maybe you will recognize the term  “Scrub.” The Urban Dictionary defines a “Scrub” as: A dude who acts like a player or like he is something but really has nothing. A broke guy with no car, no job, no girl, etc. A loser with nothing to offer a woman. I am not sure why recently these guys have been coming out of the wood works but I have come across more than one in the past few weeks, which let me tell you at the age of 27, this should not be happening. TLC had it right, “He cant’t get no love from me.”

So last night my girl and I are hanging out at her place. I needed a night in and some cute boy entertainment so this dude and his brother were supposed to come over and hang out. They are both adorable and nice so Im thinking it should be chill. One ends up coming without the other instead of both of them which is only the first problem. He was supposed to pick up alcohol and bring it with him on his way and shows up without it and while hanging out with this guy we find out that not only is he not yet employed but younger than we originally thought as well. The later it gets the more Im getting tired and I want to go to sleep so my girl and I decide it is time for him to go home. Oh wait! It gets better. LOL He has no fucking car! He actually got dropped off and either thought he was going to spend the night or we were going to take him home. Are you fucking kidding me? Everything in me wanted to be an asshole and tell him to take a cab but I couldn’t do that. So we got in my car and drove him home.

The entire way home my girl and I were laughing and bitching about “Pound Puppies” guys that need to be rescued or taken care of and how the hell we ended up with one. I mean it was comedy. We are both 27 and looking at each other in complete dismay. Did we really just have to drive this guy home? Did that just happen? It makes me wonder how often does this happen to other girls. Do these men actually think its acceptable to be a bum? We are grown and even if you have a shitty ride at least you have a ride! Men have their shit together and on point. This was clearly a little boy and women don’t date little boys.

False Advertising: The Pitfalls of Internet Lust

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Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, MySpace (depending on your era) E Harmony, and other social networking sites have morphed our world into a nearly unrecognizable place. We have gone from meeting people in our town or city to meeting people from all over the world. Instead of one of your friends setting you up with one of their friends, Facebook gives you “People you may know” suggestions. Rather than meeting someone new at a bar, E Harmony runs through your entire life history and finds your “Perfect match.” A guy or girl doesn’t walk up to you just to tell you they find you beautiful or handsome, they like your picture on Instagram or follow you on Twitter. Yes it is true that the dating world has changed, but the far more dangerous component to social media flirting is the photos that portray sexy, slim, in shape, or model-esque when the reality is beyond lacking.

Jamie Lee Curtis did the women of this world a favor in 2006 when she bared all in an un-mistakingly brave photo shoot for Moore Magazine. She showed the before and after effects of airbrushing and Photoshop. In an effort to dispel the idea that she is still the thin, ripped 35-year-old woman from “True Lies” dancing in her thong and bra, Jamie Lee Curtis shocked the world by posing in her underwear without Photoshop. On one side she wore only her panties and sports bra while on the other side a sexy black dress. She blew the doors wide open on the lie that is photo editing.  These days everything is manipulated! The person you meet and the person you see in pictures does not always match up.

Recently while working an event as a Promo Model I met a really nice girl who was to be my partner in crime that day. She was sweet and personable but a little on the thick side for modeling. We exchanged information as I usually do when I meet a cool girl. The next night while lounging on my couch I decided to troll her Facebook and take a look at what she’s got going on. While checking out her pictures I found myself feeling sorry for all the guys who would go through her profile getting excited about the bombshell they just found only to later discover the terrible truth. These poor guys see that they have mutual friends, so there is hope! Maybe they can meet! Little do they know in her pictures, she has been reshaped, smoothed out, directed and there is some serious lighting happening. She has the fake eyelashes, the smokey eye, push up bra, and big teased hair with extensions. Her body is twisted to make her appear thinner than she is and if that didn’t work the photographer went to town with Photoshop. Let me tell you this, not only is she shorter than me and I’m 5 foot 3 inches, but she has at least 15 pounds on me as well.

I call BULLSHIT!!!! It’s false advertising at it’s best. It boggles my mind that women and men take pride in these pictures which portray them as either super models or greek gods, meanwhile on planet earth they are really quite homely. What is a guy or girl supposed to do when they come across your picture only to regret what you look like in real life? Americans are quite sue happy yes but if there is anything that should be an actionable offense it would be this. I myself have never dated anyone I met from a social networking site but I do know many people who have. Some have worked out and some have not, so in today’s world of social media, where the ability to meet new people has expanded exponentially, I have to ask myself where does the fantasy end and the reality begin?