Girl Vs. Woman

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There are a great many things that happen to people in life and so many stages in which you experience them. When you are 22 and a guy you like says he is seeing other girls or better yet you find out about it on your own, you might freak out or act out an entire telenovela in your mind then confront him and freak out some more.

You might send and angry text, not asking for an explanation but instead accusing them of all the things you think are going on. He was never your boyfriend and there was no discussion or understanding to what it is you meant to each other, so what right do you have to get angry right? But you do. You get mad and hurt, you see the potential for all the things you might have wanted go down the drain, and this alone is the reason for your overreaction.

It is funny how when you are older and have been beaten down by life’s experiences you learn to react differently. In your years growing up and dealing with the male female dynamic you have been taught lessons by life rather than by your parents or your teachers or those stupid romantic movies that always have a happy ending like John Cusack standing in her driveway with a boom box blasting, “In Your Eyes.”  You learn that relationships and exclusivity aren’t always synonymous. Relationship is a very fluid concept.  It doesn’t always mean the same thing to everyone.

When I was younger I was afraid of the hurt that can arise when you give someone your trust and your heart. I was not one of the girls who was so eager to be loved and in a coupling that I threw caution to the wind. So instead I became the man, so to speak, in a relationship. I had open relationships for years. I did my thing and they did theirs and that was that.

As I have grown older my idea of what I want has changed so much. I know now that I want a relationship. Not in the conventional sense, but I do want one. I now understand the need to date and see what is out there in order to really evaluate someone and whether or not you want to be with them. It is a necessary part of the process, because who wants to rush into anything, only to realize you cant’ stand the person you are with?

In every situation, the time will eventually come when you need to have a conversation to clarify where each of you stands and what it is you are looking for. As a girl the impulse is to compromise what you want because you are hoping that if you hold out, HE WILL CHOOSE YOU. As a woman, you know that the choice doesn’t only belong to him. Do you choose him? If he says to you, he isn’t looking for a girlfriend then what is your response?

My response is this: Thanks but no thanks. I try my best to remain calm and rational because in my mind I know that I am not the exception, I am the rule. No matter how amazing I am, if I am not what he wants or he is not ready for anything significant, that is the end of the story. Value yourself and know that in respecting yourself and what you want, eventually it will come. You’ll never get what you truly deserve if you remain attached to what you’re supposed to let go of.

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Too Soon???

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Most girls’ wonders to themselves if they just slept with him to soon. Will he still want to talk to her afterwards? Is he going to change how he acts? Can they still maintain a friendship?

The truth is that I really don’t know. I haven’t asked myself these questions before having sex with someone since my early twenties. Of course my early twenties was also the last time I cared. I know my worth and if a guy doesn’t have the sense of sight to see and appreciate it, than he is loosing.

Recently however, I have been dealing with a rather un-evolved breed of male, which has led me to revisit this topic. My friends and I have been faced with changed behavior and strange circumstance all proffered by the men we have interacted with. The question I pose is, “When is too soon to sleep with a guy?”

Recently a friend of mine slept with a guy whom she had made a connection with over a shared interest in cannabis culture. They met, they became friends and after a night of hanging out just the 2 of them, they had sex. Soon after getting what she wanted and sending him on his way he made an effort for about a day then quickly fell off. He went from texting all day and sending cheeky pictures on SnapChat to lazily responding or simply not at all.

Now keep in mind she wasn’t looking for a husband, a dog, and 2.5 kids with this guy but is it too much to ask that he not confuse sex with the friendship they had established? Could they not continue their random texts and hangouts without muddying the waters with the fact that they had also had sex?

I don’t rethink the way I acted prior to having sex with a man and alter my future behavior because I am afraid he will get attached and think it is something other than it was before we got it on. It makes me start to wonder. These days are the men the women and the women the men?

False Advertising: The Pitfalls of Internet Lust

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Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, MySpace (depending on your era) E Harmony, and other social networking sites have morphed our world into a nearly unrecognizable place. We have gone from meeting people in our town or city to meeting people from all over the world. Instead of one of your friends setting you up with one of their friends, Facebook gives you “People you may know” suggestions. Rather than meeting someone new at a bar, E Harmony runs through your entire life history and finds your “Perfect match.” A guy or girl doesn’t walk up to you just to tell you they find you beautiful or handsome, they like your picture on Instagram or follow you on Twitter. Yes it is true that the dating world has changed, but the far more dangerous component to social media flirting is the photos that portray sexy, slim, in shape, or model-esque when the reality is beyond lacking.

Jamie Lee Curtis did the women of this world a favor in 2006 when she bared all in an un-mistakingly brave photo shoot for Moore Magazine. She showed the before and after effects of airbrushing and Photoshop. In an effort to dispel the idea that she is still the thin, ripped 35-year-old woman from “True Lies” dancing in her thong and bra, Jamie Lee Curtis shocked the world by posing in her underwear without Photoshop. On one side she wore only her panties and sports bra while on the other side a sexy black dress. She blew the doors wide open on the lie that is photo editing.  These days everything is manipulated! The person you meet and the person you see in pictures does not always match up.

Recently while working an event as a Promo Model I met a really nice girl who was to be my partner in crime that day. She was sweet and personable but a little on the thick side for modeling. We exchanged information as I usually do when I meet a cool girl. The next night while lounging on my couch I decided to troll her Facebook and take a look at what she’s got going on. While checking out her pictures I found myself feeling sorry for all the guys who would go through her profile getting excited about the bombshell they just found only to later discover the terrible truth. These poor guys see that they have mutual friends, so there is hope! Maybe they can meet! Little do they know in her pictures, she has been reshaped, smoothed out, directed and there is some serious lighting happening. She has the fake eyelashes, the smokey eye, push up bra, and big teased hair with extensions. Her body is twisted to make her appear thinner than she is and if that didn’t work the photographer went to town with Photoshop. Let me tell you this, not only is she shorter than me and I’m 5 foot 3 inches, but she has at least 15 pounds on me as well.

I call BULLSHIT!!!! It’s false advertising at it’s best. It boggles my mind that women and men take pride in these pictures which portray them as either super models or greek gods, meanwhile on planet earth they are really quite homely. What is a guy or girl supposed to do when they come across your picture only to regret what you look like in real life? Americans are quite sue happy yes but if there is anything that should be an actionable offense it would be this. I myself have never dated anyone I met from a social networking site but I do know many people who have. Some have worked out and some have not, so in today’s world of social media, where the ability to meet new people has expanded exponentially, I have to ask myself where does the fantasy end and the reality begin?

Ill take it like a G if you hit that G-Spot

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I look at sex like I look at the gym, if Im sore something went right. I had a conversation recently with a girlfriend of mine about the benefits of a man with a big dick and a high sex drive. We came to the conclusion that as long as you can hit it right then we will happily walk around not being able to sit down properly. Ill take it like a G if you can hit that G-Spot.

I personally love the feeling when I leave the gym and the next day I wake up unable to walk. I am so sore that it hurts everywhere. It means that I am doing something right. The same thing goes for sex. If you like to fuck every day multiple times and as a result your girl is sore as hell, you are doing something right. I know many girls who have a very high sex drive and who appreciate a man who not only has the stamina to keep up but who can also put it down like a champ.

There is an exception to the sore rule. Many men confuse this sad style of “rabbit fucking” for some real moves. Those aren’t moves! Its like a pathetic attempt to induce and organism by fucking her like a jack hammer. You men have watched far too many porns. They are screaming “Oh god yes, fuck me harder!” because thats what YOU want to hear. That doesn’t mean she is thinking that. She is thinking, hurry up and get off already then please get the fuck out. Please men try to remember that when you are “Putting it down.” Women respond better to variety then they do constant pounding the entire time. Do what feels right in the moment for BOTH of you, not just what feels good for your dick. Because lets be real, a girl wants to feel like she got fucked, not fucked up.