We all do it folks. Masturbation is pretty natural and if you say you are not doing it well then you are lying. I had never owned a vibrator before in my life. When I needed to get off I just went with the tried and true “double click the mouse” method. My good friend Heather and I were dead in the middle of shopping at our local Deja Vu, trying to find pieces to construct the prototype of an oral sex aid that we had both imagined when low and behold we come across the vibrators. Heather suggests that since I hadn’t been laid in a bit or at least not with a happy ending that I should make the wise investment of buying a vibrator. After much harassment by both her and the girl behind the counter, I pulled out my american express and spent $170.00 dollars on a brand spanking new…bright pink vibrator. Turns out it was the BEST $170.00 dollars I have spent ever, with the exception of my Jeffery Campbell black leather “Lita” boots. I love those boots!
Now that I have explained a little of the back story on how there came to be a bright pink vibrator in my shower ill explain the story in full. Im sitting in my living room minding my own business when my friend Adam texts me to ask what I’m doing. He lives in my building and is bored so I invited him down.
He had never been inside my place before so he was exploring and checking things out. He went from my living room to my bedroom before his last stop in my bathroom. Why he decided to open my shower curtain I didn’t understand at the time. Once I saw my vibrator in the shower I totally freaked out LOL I jumped and grabbed the shower curtain right after he opened it, yanking it closed. He fought me on it for a second thinking by my reaction there must be something embarrassing in there. He went back to open in and out comes the statement, “Is that a vibrator in your shower?!?!?”
I died, right then and there I died and yet at the same time I wished someone had been filming because it was beyond hilarious. I mean how often do people just get to witness embarrassment like that? My B.O.B. (battery operated boyfriend) wasn’t in a side table drawer or in my closet or even in my underwear drawer like most people with discretion hide theirs. Instead mine is just chillen in the shower not inconspicuous at all. LOL Even better than that my guy friend who had never stepped foot in my apartment has just received a tour of my humble abode as well as a peek into my sexual proclivities. If my reaction was the cause of hilarity, the look on his face was classic. It was a cross between shock and intrigue. I just became a sexual person! A girl with her vibrator out and about in clear view (well sort of). He hasn’t let me live it down since and it has become a topic of reminisce that he likes to bring up often and in front of others. I guess if my embarrassment leads to someone else’s amusement then I can take solace in the fact that I made someone laugh.
Just a tip ladies, HIDE YOUR SEX TOYS! Or fuck it, don’t hide them! Be someones funny story and in my case don’t hide who you are one bit. However on my sister’s advice, when the family comes to visit put your vibrator away……take it out of the shower and put it away. 🙂
Posted in facebook, relationships, sex
Tags: arch, ass, baggage, bathrtub, bed, boobs, boy, boyfriend, boys, break, breakup, butt, climax, dating, denial, dick, dynamic, emotion, girl, girlfriend, girls, guys, heartbreak, hot, las vegas, legs, lelo, lelo vibrator, love, man, men, naked, oral sex, orgasm, relationship, relationships, sex, sex toy, sexy, shower, tattoo, tattooed girl, tattoos, tits, truth, vibrator, woman, women
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My friends and I like to call them “Pound Puppies” but if you are unfamiliar with this term then maybe you will recognize the term “Scrub.” The Urban Dictionary defines a “Scrub” as: A dude who acts like a player or like he is something but really has nothing. A broke guy with no car, no job, no girl, etc. A loser with nothing to offer a woman. I am not sure why recently these guys have been coming out of the wood works but I have come across more than one in the past few weeks, which let me tell you at the age of 27, this should not be happening. TLC had it right, “He cant’t get no love from me.”
So last night my girl and I are hanging out at her place. I needed a night in and some cute boy entertainment so this dude and his brother were supposed to come over and hang out. They are both adorable and nice so Im thinking it should be chill. One ends up coming without the other instead of both of them which is only the first problem. He was supposed to pick up alcohol and bring it with him on his way and shows up without it and while hanging out with this guy we find out that not only is he not yet employed but younger than we originally thought as well. The later it gets the more Im getting tired and I want to go to sleep so my girl and I decide it is time for him to go home. Oh wait! It gets better. LOL He has no fucking car! He actually got dropped off and either thought he was going to spend the night or we were going to take him home. Are you fucking kidding me? Everything in me wanted to be an asshole and tell him to take a cab but I couldn’t do that. So we got in my car and drove him home.
The entire way home my girl and I were laughing and bitching about “Pound Puppies” guys that need to be rescued or taken care of and how the hell we ended up with one. I mean it was comedy. We are both 27 and looking at each other in complete dismay. Did we really just have to drive this guy home? Did that just happen? It makes me wonder how often does this happen to other girls. Do these men actually think its acceptable to be a bum? We are grown and even if you have a shitty ride at least you have a ride! Men have their shit together and on point. This was clearly a little boy and women don’t date little boys.
Posted in facebook, love, relationships, sex
Tags: alcohol, bed, boy, boyfriend, boys, break, breakup, car, dynamic, emotion, girl, girlfriend, girls, guys, heartbreak, hot, job, kid, loser, man, men, pound, pound puppy, relationship, relationships, scrub, scrubs, sex, tlc, truth, woman, women
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