7 Stages of a Breakup


The end of a relationship is similar to dealing with a death. In a way it is a death. You no longer have that person in your life anymore so is it any surprise that when going through a breakup that people grieve? Although in a relationship there is a bit more drama because usually the grieving process is directed at the ex. People can get crazy! Just like the seven stages of grief when dealing with the death of a person there are seven stages of grief when dealing with the death of a relationship.

1. Shock & Awe…….I Don’t Get It! 

The first thoughts running through her/his head usually run along the lines of not understanding why. They don’t get it, they can’t fathom why they are being dumped! What the fuck happened? In most cases the girl is confused not because she doesn’t understand why he would want to dump her but instead why he wouldn’t want to just stick it out in a shitty relationship. Girls tend to be a glutton for punishment that way. It’s mostly because they were raised on romance stories that say couples stay together forever. Blah Blah fucking Blah! If its broken, don’t fix that shit! Throw it away and get a new one! I mean really people there is a difference between a fracture and a break……when its broken, its broken! Let Go!

2. D’ Nile, It’s not Just a River

It’s just about restraining order time. Sometimes the dumpee just doesn’t get it. That neon sign saying, “ITS OVER” is apparently to vague for them. They may continue to call, A LOT. They may not admit to others that it is over. They might even leave their Facebook status on “in a relationship.” They are in denial! unfortunately there is nothing you can do about this but break clean. Dont give in and answer calls and whatever you do don’t answer their cries for attention. It will only prolong the dramatics.

3. Fuck Me? No Fuck You!

Here comes the anger. It is officially all your fault at this point. You are the piece of shit for dumping them. They will spend time going through the entire history of the relationship. They will pick apart and analyze everything you did and said over the course of the relationship and place blame solely on you. This is the natural course of dealing with things, you just have to let it ride. It isn’t really your fault but you can just let them think it is.

4. I Can Change!

This is the part where either people get back together or they don’t. The person who has been dumped comes back around, not as pissed anymore, and promises to change. They will be nicer, they wont cheat, they won’t nag or be jealous. This is make or break time and if you are wise then you will say no. Lets face it though most people are fucking idiots or they are just to weak to stand on their own. My advice is you broke up for a reason and no matter the bargaining done by the dumped you must stick to your guns.

5. Maybe It Was Me

Here comes the guilt. “Maybe it was me, something I did; I’m not Pretty enough, I’m not hot enough” and so on and so on.This is the time for blame to be turned inward. They start to question what they did to be dumped and they take on all of the responsibility. It’s actually a sad time because it can really affect self-esteem. Dont blame yourself! I know you can’t help it but combing through all of the things you may have done wrong with a fine tooth comb wont do you any good.

6. Cry Me A RIver 😦 

Somebody call the Waaaaaambulance. The sadness has set it. It is now time to come to terms with the fact that IT IS OVER! Sadness sets and the anti-social is in full effect. (That is mostly a girl thing though) The person dumped becomes sad and lonely and withdrawn. The memories get relived over and over. (Usually only the good ones as if the bad ones never happened) Old songs get played and dreams of what might have been dance in their head. This stage can last for a while but once its over let the party begin.

7. Keep It Moving

“The best way to get over someone is to get under someone else.” I know you have heard this before. 🙂 This is partially true. At this stage of the relationship grieving process you are ready to move on and usually with our generation that involves sex with someone else. You start to think of that person less and less and eventually not at all. The raw pain of the breakup is fading, hearing their name doesn’t sting anymore and you no longer want to throw your phone against a wall when they don’t answer you. You have arrived! You have moved On! Thank fucking god.

This blog was inspired by a friend of mine who just broke up with his girlfriend. I get a daily laugh at his situation (LOL) mainly because its not mine. His ex girlfriend is going through these very stages and at the moment she is on number 3. She is not a happy camper and the poor guy still has 4 more to deal with. On the plus side maybe he can give me more to write about! 🙂



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