I have had a horrible case of writer’s block recently and it has been driving me fucking nuts. It feels like I have been very unproductive and honestly letting people down. Because the format for my blog is geared more towards advice rather than a journal I have been hesitant to write about this but I have decided to take a friend’s advice and just write in the hopes that getting it out will lead to a break through.
I wrote a blog recently about keeping your options open. Well just because you keep your options open and you think that you are making informed decisions that doesn’t mean the the one you pick is necessarily going to be the right one. Sometimes you do made a bad decision. Unfortunately part of your informed decision is based on what they tell you and how much you believe them.
In my last blog I talked about the 5 different guys I was talking to and how at the end it came down to 2. The 4th guy I decided against partly because of his life choices and circumstances but mainly because I really liked the 5th guy. Number 5 and I not only took time to form a friendship but were pretty open and honest with each other. We discussed in detail what we both wanted in terms of our continued interaction and I believed we were on the same page. Well I was wrong. I am not saying he lied, I truly believe that he meant what he said when he was saying it but that doesn’t mean he meant it after it came out of his mouth. The point is that I chose him because I liked him and felt a genuine connection with him. It really bummed me out when a couple of weeks later he decided to try things again with his ex girlfriend of years. He was only honest after I basically told him I needed more, wasn’t getting it and was done. Now this is not a bashing blog, mind you I had slept with someone else at this point. Im by no means innocent. (You would know this if you read my other blogs LOL) When I am done I am done……..and I was fucking done. Its not all on this guy but bottom line I wasn’t getting what I wanted.
All of this aside I still really like him and have a friendship with him. I am not a glutton for punishment. I am a strong independent woman and because of this I will move on but right now it is getting in the way of my writing. I miss him and our chats and being able to be open. Its unfortunate that making the wrong decision with him as far as taking a friendship and letting it run wild right into a romantic thing has kind of fucked me over in my writing. When you are a happy person and someone takes your happy to another giddy kind of level it affects you. It affected my writing and now that it is gone I am having a hard time finding my funny again. I am hoping that this blog will help get some of this off of my mind and I can get back to being free.