The X-Files Pt 1: Friends With Your Ex


In every relationship there comes a time to say goodbye, unless you both intend to walk down the aisle and even then the chance is still there. Somewhere down the path to breakup, one or both parties feels the need to promise to be friends. Well I DONT hate to break it to you, YOU CAN’T BE FRIENDS WITH YOUR EX!!!!! That is if you still have feelings for them and there is always one that still has feelings. Both guys and girls are a special kind of crazy after a breakup. There is this strange glossed over look in their eyes that almost acts as reason or rational thought Kryptonite.

Wouldn’t it be just wonderful if all breakups could be mutual? If rainbows could shine 24hrs a day genies granted 3 wishes? Well lets smack you in the face with a little bit of reality here. The real reason the heartbreaker makes the suggestion to remain friends is to assuage their guilt over breaking up with their ex. The heartbreaker feels less guilty for offering the option to remain friends as if to provide themselves with some solace. Making themselves feel like less of a bad person for dumping their ex because they want to remain friends.

These are the reasons you CAN’T be friends with your ex (if you still have feelings):

You can’t kiss & tell: 

As much effort you make to remain friends with your ex, you can never confide in them. You can’t tell them about the great sex you had the night before. You can’t tell her about how this chick licked your asshole and you aren’t sure whether you liked it or you feel violated. You can’t comment on that girls nice tits and big bubble butt. There is no telling her about really liking this new girl you are dating and how you are going to meet her family. She doesn’t want to hear about why you have a big smile on your face all day long and that you are in love. Your ex will never want to hear about how big his dick was or that he did this think you have never had done before and you screamed so loud the cops were almost called. He doesn’t want to know how much you like him and that he is the best you have ever had. These are all things you can’t talk to a friend about but not and ex. You have seen each other naked! End of story; you may be able to keep and touch and tell them how you have been but they will never truly know how you have been.

It’s not you, it’s me:

Fuck that bullshit, it’s always them! Relationships are VERY VERY rarely a mutual agreement. One person is always breaking up with the other. That’s just the way it is. One person is always going to be bitter about the breakup and somewhere down the line they are with hoping for or plotting the breakup of any future relationship of yours. That green monster is all but guaranteed to rear its ugly head at some point. It will eventually cause a fight.

Friends with benefits:

There is no benefit to being friends with your ex when that benefit is sex. Guys and girls both do this shit and it drives me crazy. You are not just getting laid. You are not just satisfying a need to get fucked and they know how to do it right so that’s why you keep going there. Please shut the fuck up with that bullshit. Deep down inside you are settling for strictly sex with an ex because you are hoping they will change their mind and want a relationship again. IT IS NOT GOING TO HAPPEN!!!!!!! You guys broke up for a reason. They are not going to see how care free you are being, how cool and fun you are and miraculously forgot how you guys fought all the time, you were jealous crazy status and want you back. Put you crazy in a box and dump it in the ocean, for your own sake.

All that being said you need  to keep it moving. When it is over let it die. Make a clean break. Should I use any more cliché one liners in order to get my point across? Hopefully you get it. YOU CAN’T BE FRIENDS WITH YOUR EX, if there are still feelings there.




4 responses to “The X-Files Pt 1: Friends With Your Ex

  1. eh hem, i’m friends with someone! it took a long fucking time to get there but… its ultimately possible. U can finally become friends when both parties are fully over each other. U saw how long it took to get here tho…

    • Yes I did and that is why I said when there are NOOOOOOO feelings left over.

      • Bitches get getting confused tho. I’m not into chics who r like yea I’m over my ex and talk about him all the time, u aint friends. Or when u stalk your ex on instagram and like all his pics and he doesn’t reciprocate, u aint friends. Or the e-cards like me and my ex r cool but we’ll NEVER get back together, nope, not friends. U kno the girls i’m talking about!!

      • Exactly what Im saying. A friend is someone you can be open and honest with and you cant be that way with an ex with the exception of a lot of time passing and BOTH people being free of emotional attachment. Unfortunately most people who have been broken up with hold onto hope for the future so any real open communication is almost impossible.

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