Buyer’s Remorse……..

Always and forever moving onto the next. Its been my existence in a nutshell since I was old enough to reject a guy. Seriously tho it has been a running joke amongst the people I know that it is not wise to get attached to me because there is about a 2 week shelf life on our coupling. I like….. you bore me….. you irritate me….. I loose interest….. I move on. It is a viscous cycle that has been on repeat forever! Thank god I dont usually have horrible endings to the mini-series. I like to keep things simpatico when I dump them 😉 However every once in a while there is a doozy!

Im going to call him John. He was boring as shit so Ill keep his name pretty vanilla to match. I decided after a long time of being technically single that I would slip my big girl panties on and try my hand at being a girlfriend. Fuck just the word coming out of my mouth makes me gag a little. ;P Anyway, John and I hung out basically every day for the first month and never fucked once! I mean seriously not one time!!! My friends and I started to speculate. He was either gay or had some kind of disease. I mean what kind of red blooded american male can sleep in a bed next to me and not want to put it in any hole I will let him??? Im good looking, I have a nice body, great hair and Im hyper sexual……oh and did I mention I walk around naked any chance I get? I mean come on!

I start to do a little digging and what do I find? He already has a girlfriend……. This bitches name: Heroine. Yep I said it, HEROINE! Yeah my boyfriend was a full blown junkie. Anyway at first I tried to have some sympathy. I have grown up around drug addicts all of my life and a good chunk of my friends had fallen prey to that nasty little needle at one point or another so I figured before just giving up on my attempt at being an adult I would try to help first. Stupid idea!!!!!! After an outpatient clinic and a lot of headaches I began to have buyer’s remorse……CAN I GIVE HIM BACK!?!?!?! LOL After much fighting and annoyance and this asshole getting arrested in my car I WAS DONE! I came home 4 am on my birthday, drunk as a skunk, and broke it down like En Vogue. Yah I said it, En Vogue lol. I was done! I told him “The one thing we both have in common is that I put your first and YOU put you first. We are done.”

Lesson here is ladies and gents, in the words of my friend Rachel, “Do what makes you happy until it doesn’t make you happy anymore.” There is no point in sticking around in a relationship just because you feel obligated or you are afraid to be alone. Don’t find reasons to be miserable, work hard to find reasons to be happy. This perpetuation of bullshit is what leaves all of us just that little extra scared going into our next relationship. Think about it.

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